Shadow work series – Are your ‘flaws’ in character creating disharmony in your life and Twin Flame connection?

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As Twin Flame, you are taking your initiation in love

Florence Scovel Shinn the grandmother of metaphysics already shared this story with her readers back in 1925 in her book ‘The Game of Life and How to Play It.’

‘Scarcely anyone has the faintest conception of real love. Man is selfish, tyrannical or fearful in his affections, thereby losing the thing he loves. Jealousy is the worst enemy of love, for the imagination runs riot, seeing the loved one attracted to another, and invariably these fears objectify if they are not neutralized.

A woman came to me in deep distress. The man she loved had left her for other women, and said he never intended to marry her. She was torn with jealousy and resentment and said she hoped he would suffer as he had made her suffer; and added, “How could he leave me when I loved him so much?”

I replied, “You are not loving that man, you are hating him,” and added, “You can never receive what you have never given.

Give a perfect love and you will receive a perfect love. Perfect yourself on this man. Give him a perfect, unselfish love, demanding nothing in return, do not criticize or condemn, and bless him wherever he is.”

She replied, “No, I won’t bless him unless I know where he is!”

“Well,” I said, “that is not real love.”

“When you send out real love, real love will return to you, either from this man or his equivalent, for if this man is not the divine selection, you will not want him. As you are one with God, you are one with the love which belongs to you by divine right.”

Several months passed, and matters remained about the same, but she was working conscientiously with herself. I said, “When you are no longer disturbed by his cruelty, he will cease to be cruel, as you are attracting it through your own emotions.”

Then I told her of a brotherhood in India, who never said, “Good morning” to each other. They used these words: “I salute the Divinity in you.” They saluted the divinity in every man, and in the wild animals in the jungle, and they were never harmed, for they saw only God in every living thing. I said, “Salute the divinity in this man, and say, ‘I see your divine self only. I see you as God sees you, perfect, made in His image and likeness.’”

She found she was becoming more poised, and gradually losing her resentment. He was a Captain, and she always called him “The Cap.”

One day, she said, suddenly, “God bless the Cap wherever he is.”

I replied: “Now, that is real love, and when you have become a ‘complete circle,’ and are no longer disturbed by the situation, you will have his love, or attract its equivalent.”

I was moving at this time, and did not have a telephone, so was out of touch with her for a few weeks, when one morning I received a letter saying, “We are married.”

At the earliest opportunity, I paid her a call. My first words were, “What happened?”

“Oh,” she exclaimed, “a miracle! One day I woke up and all suffering had ceased. I saw him that evening and he asked me to marry him. We were married in about a week, and I have never seen a more devoted man.”

There is an old saying: “No man is your enemy, no man is your friend, every man is your teacher.”

So one should become impersonal and learn what each man has to teach him, and soon he would learn his lessons and be free.

The woman’s lover was teaching her selfless love, which every man, sooner or later, must learn.’

Florence Scovel Shinn, The Game of Life and How to Play It

The chance to perfect yourself on your Divine mirror

Starting out on the Twin Flame journey, we are all like the woman in this story completely lost when it comes to understanding what it means to truly love somebody.

We want romance and when we don’t get it. let’s be honest about how nasty we can become….

If you still think that the Twin Flame journey is just another ‘boy meets girl’ love story – perhaps on steroids, you are going into this thing with the wrong expectations.

This connection is meant to be so much more than the love of a lifetime, please download the free Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript to find out more about the true nature of the Twin Flame journey.

This particular article is going to be about all the really practical ways we are UNALIGNED to our heart’s desire (Twin Flame union) without even realizing it.

So much of our behavior happens outside of our conscious awareness or even when we know we should work on that aspect of the self, we don’t realize how much impact it has on our Twin Flame connection.

It’s often not until your Twin Flame did a 180 on you and brought up all the hurt that you were carrying inside, that you come face to face with your own dragons and demons – which usually is not a pretty sight.

Now before you get all judgmental on me or yourself, most of what you perceive to be your character is not actually you. Your personality is a mixed bag of societal conditioning, the environment you were brought up in, ancestral patterns and a sh*t load of unresolved past life trauma that you brought with you in this lifetime to work through which is responsible for close to all your current life drama.

This all formed you into who you believe you are today.

Your Twin Flame offers you the opportunity to take a long hard look in the Divine mirror not because you are broken or lacking, but to help you see your true self that is buried deep under all the gunk and sludge you believe is you. The problem is, that most of these false beliefs and sabotaging subconscious pattern are not happening in our conscious awareness and therefore we often just react from our pain – without catching ourselves in the act.

However it’s exactly this subconscious gunk and sludge that is energetically repelling your Twin Flame because it is keeping you locked into the lower octave of love that most people are stuck in. But true Twin Flame union is only accessible through the higher octave of love that you are meant to shift into – the selfless unconditional kind that Florence Scovel Shinn is talking about in her story.

Are you being the partner/lover you want to attract?

The moral of the story is, give a perfect love and you will receive a perfect love, because we live in a world of cause and effect – everything we attain inside of us, will be reflected back to us as our physical reality.

Give a sh*tty love and you can be sure, you will be loved just as sh*tty back.

Now remember the woman in this story was convinced she was loving this man, despite the fact that she wanted him to suffer as much as he had made her suffer (an eye for an eye mentality). Anyone hearing someone else say this would immediately think, that’s not a loving thing to say – yet the woman was so stuck in her own pain she really didn’t realize that she was in fact not loving him if she wished him pain.

This is a perfect example of how unaware we often are of our own behavior.

Let me give you a more recent example with of one of my tribe members, his twin ‘f*cked up’ and in his hurt the tribe member was saying how he wanted to react to his twin due to the fight they just had. He wrote:

‘I’m just going to stonewall him, in mind body and energy/soul. He is going to have to go through the f*cking gauntlet and jump through a thousand hoops for a solid year before I will consider gracing him with a response, and when I finally do it will be full of cruel vitriol and bile, but all factually accurate statements. And if he doesn’t submit to it then I will refuse any cooperation for the rest of this life time. He does have the ability to cut through and make the ice melt even when I don’t want to…. but I’m going to fight tooth and nail to keep the freezer on. I hope he likes snow.‘ (This is shared with my clients permission of course.)

He felt hurt, he was angry and his ego was running riot.

Let’s be honest the above is something we all go through on this journey from time to time and that is also why I am sharing this example with you, because it will help you identify your own subconscious behavior that may be very similar to my client’s reaction when he got triggered.

So I asked him ‘Is this what you are looking for in a partner? Someone who will stonewall you? Someone who will pull away his love from you and make you jump hoops to get their love back?! Yikes, if that is what you have to offer in a relationship who wants that? I understand that you are disappointed and angry, but try to see this as an opportunity to become the kind of partner you dream of having in your life.’

In the ‘normal’ world nobody will blame you for an eye for an eye mentality, it is what the old 3rd dimensional paradigm is all about and its also how we tend to show up in our romantic relationships. However if we want to attract a new reality, then it makes much more sense to turn the other cheek and take the highroad by giving-out that which you want to receive.

If this suddenly starts to sound all too Biblical, I do apologize but Jesus knew all about the law of attraction and the art of manifesting. His teachings were grossly misunderstood, but he was teaching the same laws of the Universe that have become so popular today. In fact he was one of the very first ascension teachers and if you are on the Twin Flame journey, you are on the ascension path.

If you want to manifest the love of a lifetime, it starts with you giving that love to others and that will over time attract to you it’s matching vibration. Of course you can’t fake this, the Universe ain’t no fool. It only responds to the energy you are putting out there and gives it right back to you.

It’s up to you what you put out in the first place.

But, if you are any bit like me and my clients, you will try giving this love EXPECTING that it will give you what you want and all you will hear is the sound of crickets.

And you will wonder why, it didn’t work the way it was supposed to work..

If we go back to what Florence told the woman she was working with, she said “Give him a perfect, unselfish love, demanding nothing in return, do not criticize or condemn, and bless him wherever he is.”

Then there is your answer, it’s not the frequency of UNSELFISH love when you are giving it TO GET the love you want in return. It’s in fact just plain selfish, to give love in order to get love and yet that is the frequency of most 3D romantic love relationships – i’ll scratch your back, if you scratch mine. It’s completely self serving and incompatible with true Twin Flame union.

But here’s the catch, it’s not only what you do in the Twin Flame arena that counts…

The Twin Flame journey does not only affect the romantic aspect of your life, it affects everything.

People tend to think in boxes that separate your life in neat controllable sections, but in truth there is no separation and everything is interconnected.

The Twin Flame journey affects every relationship you have, everything you say and everything you do or everything you know you should be saying or doing, when you don’t. On the other hand how you show up in every other area or relationship in your life also affects your Twin Flame connection. It’s like a big old infinity symbol, in which everything flows back and forth in a closed circuit.

So for example if you lack integrity (which I run into with a small portion of my clients), you have to remember that the way you do anything is they way you do everything. If you lack integrity in relationships outside your Twin Flame connection then you can bet you that you are also lacking integrity inside the connection with the twin and there is even a bigger chance that your twin will be mirroring that lack of integrity back to you by what they say and do…

I recently fired a client because she simply doesn’t keep her word. I have limited one on one time to work with people, so I will not waste my time on people who are not serious about their own healing.

This particular client is two months behind on her monthly installments to the tribe, she asked for my bank details to transfer it because she couldn’t use PayPal. She also wanted to join the retreat in India and asked an invoice for a VIP package. She even offered me the use of property she claimed she owned for free for a next retreat, she showed me multiple links of websites of properties she said she owned which should indicate that she should have no issue paying the couple of hundred dollars she owes me for the monthly Twin Flame Tribe installments.

I gave her my bank details more than three weeks ago and she still hasn’t paid (not even the overdue tribe payments) and she avoids any and all communication.

This person is desperate about her married Twin Flame who doesn’t talk to her and here she is showing up in life in the exact same way, not realizing that it’s not only how you act towards the twin that counts. What you send out to the Universe comes back to you no matter who you do it to, but it often comes back to us from the people that are the MOST important to us – aka our Twin Flames.

So if you make a habit of lying to yourself and others, don’t be surprised if it’s your twin that lies to you the most. They are your Divine mirror and reflect everything back to you, the good, the bad and the ugly.

The Universe does not care if you are lying, cheating or stealing from everybody BUT your twin, it only responds to the lying, cheating and stealing. It will make sure that you will receive back what you sent out and it will always pick the people to give it back to you, that you desperately want honesty and integrity from.

If you cheat others, it’s not going to come back to you through someone who is unimportant to you. No, it will come back through someone you trusted the most.

Not because you are bad and need to be punished. It’s also not to give you a taste of your own medicine, the Universe doesn’t do an eye for an eye. It’s never about revenge or to settle ‘karma’. You get what you put out because in essence we are all one – there is no you and me. And therefore whatever you put out there ‘good’ or ‘bad’ always boomerangs back to you. Because to the Universe there is no other, there is only you – as one with the other. It’s a closed circuit as far as the Universe is concerned and therefore it doesn’t matter WHO you do it to, it all comes back to you sooner or later.

So do unto others, as you would have them do unto you – because that is exactly how others will treat you – especially those people most important to you.

Do you have a dirty little secret?

Now last but not least, let’s look at the third way that you could be creating disharmony in your life and Twin Flame connection.

Do you have a dirty little secret, that you don’t want anyone else to know about?

If you have something in your life that you are super ashamed of or don’t want anyone to find out about, you are not living an authentic life.

Think about a drinking problem, drug abuse, cutting yourself, a sex addiction, having an affair with twin or someone else, kleptomania, nymphomania and any other serious problem that is scr*wing up your life because it controls YOU.

You have to remember that the Twin Flame journey is the fast-track to ascension and none of the above can come with you on the ascension path. These are all dysfunctional ways of dealing with trauma and walking the ascension path means seeing that the trauma was an illusion to begin with, a misinterpretation due to the fact that you believed yourself separate from Source.

I realize when you are in the midst of such self-destructive behavior that what I have just said – only seems to be a spiritual platitude and nothing that you can actually work with in the here and now. So let me be more practical, instead of using dysfunctional methods of suppressing the trauma – go work on the trauma. Find yourself a healer that you resonate with, that can be me or someone else and work on healing what is underneath this self-destructiveness.

It is imperative that you stop brushing your problems under the carpet, which is basically what any addiction or coping mechanism comes down to – because you cannot manifest Twin Flame union with a dirty little secret in your closet.

The subconscious mind will block out it’s manifestation because it’s programmed to keep your secret a secret.

If you believe that something you have done or do in your life cannot see the light of day, that belief in itself will make it impossible for you to manifest what you want. As I explained in my article ‘Can XYZ be blocking my Twin Flame union?‘ the subconscious mind creates our experienced physical reality and we simply can’t manifest what the subconscious mind does not believe.

Plus and this is equally important Twin Flame union vibrates at the frequency of unconditional love and loving the Twin Flame unconditionally proves to be less of a challenge to most, than loving the self unconditionally. Of course you cannot love the self unconditionally and abuse the self in such self-destructive ways, which makes it a double whammy of misalignment to the union you crave.

If truth be told, even if union would happen your twin would just become your new addiction – your favorite drug of choice to avoid dealing with the pain inside. This creates a co-dependent dynamic which also repels true union.

If your twin is the one battling addiction, you have to understand that your love can’t save them, it actually enables them. An addiction has to be overcome within and only the one suffering the addiction, can make this decision. Until they do, it’s best to keep your distance. The only kind of relationship possible with an addict is a dysfunctional one, because an addict can’t even be honest with themselves – if they were they wouldn’t need the addiction in the first place.

That being said, I don’t know any other connection that has healed more addictions than meeting the Twin Flame. There is no bigger incentive to get your life on track, than meeting your Divine counterpart in the physical. Which makes sense because it is such a healing journey and you would not meet your twin in this timeline reality we are currently in, unless the soul was ready to come back home and wake up to it’s true self.

I pray this article helps you identify the subconscious behaviors that may be creating havoc in your life and Twin Flame connection. If you have found any, don’t use them to chastise yourself – because that is not the point. The point is to bring them into your conscious awareness and heal the cause where it originated from. Those ‘flaws’ in character are not who you truly are, they are false beliefs covering your true nature. Releasing these false beliefs of who you thought you were, is part of the process of coming back home and waking up to your true self.

This is the core of your soul agreement with your Twin Flame above anything else, to facilitate this awakening for each other. You each play your part in order to help each other to wake up to the true soul self and embody that state of being in the physical.

I know you want the love, the sex and the romance but they are secondary on this journey – the primary goal on this journey is remembering who you truly are. This doesn’t mean romance is off the menu, it means it’s not the main course but the cherry on top. However through this journey your capacity to love will expand a thousandfold, so when it is time to consummate your love it will be a magical explosion of energy, like your own private 4th of July firework show!

If you are interested and excited to know how we can help you in your Twin Flame journey and Ascension process, check out the Tribe Mystery School for modern-day Initiates on the Twin Flame and Ascension path. In our signature program, the Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program we walk you step by step through the process of coming into inner union with your own soul. Inner union, is a prerequisite for true Twin Flame union and creating ‘Heaven on Earth’ from the inside out. You can also book an Akashic Record Clearing to release deep pain and trauma (including fears and false beliefs) from this and previous lifetimes.

Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.

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Lots of love,

Sabriyé Dubrie


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Sabriyé Ayana is the leading expert on the Twin Flame journey and inner union process. As a Twin Flame leader, teacher and healer she helps Twin Flames understand that this journey is not just about creating a fairy-tale and they lived happily ever after together... It's an initiation path to Ascension. Download the free Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript to find out more.