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Union is an inside job
What I have learned through my Twin Flame journey is that we are 100% responsible for everything happening in our lives. There is never someone who did it to us on a soul level, that’s just the ego’s perception of reality – but it’s not the truth. It may be hard to stomach, but the truth is that we always do it to ourselves through our own subconscious fears and false beliefs that manifest themselves in our physical reality.
I have been on this journey roughly 5,5 years, today is actually my twin’s birthday for the fifth time since we met. We met in April 2014 through the internet and fell in love with each other on the spot. I flew out to meet him in November 2015 and it was as good in real-life as it was from afar. But it didn’t last, as soon as I came home from India he slammed the door shut in my face. While in India admitting if it was up to him, we would already be together and have everything we always talked about. I was THE ONE for him, but he didn’t feel free to chose his own wife so despite my pleading to give us a chance and to tell his mother about me – He got married January 2017 to a girl his family had picked out for him.
That is really the moment I started healing the past that was haunting me and over the course of the past 2,5 years and a little bit before probably I have uncovered around a dozen past lives with my Twin Flame that needed to be cleared. I had been doing healing since the beginning of my journey, but that was nothing compared to the inner work I was doing after he married someone else – that just tore open my deepest tucked away wounds that were keeping me in a self-imposed prison.
And when I say healing I don’t mean yoga, Reiki (everybody is a Reiki healer these days), guided meditation – even the so called Twin Flame healing meditations or journaling. That’s NOT healing…
I mean real healing with a healer that guided me to look at the things you normally DON’T want to look at – that’s healing. The other stuff is just keeping yourself busy, thinking you are moving mountains when in reality all it does is make you feel good about yourself. So does getting a massage, going for a run or hitting the gym or taking a nice hot bath but these things also don’t do much for really releasing your deep subconscious gunk and sludge.
The problem is that until you do clean out the gunk and sludge in your subconscious mind, well as Carl Gustav Jung psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology put it:
It will control your life and you will call it fate.
Meaning that it will manifest as your physical reality, but more on that later.
Now even though I have worked with thousands of clients myself in the Akashic Record Clearings over the past 3 years, never in a million years did I hold possible that the biggest block to union was inside of me. I actually knew that it would be, I just never expected it to be what it was. I could have imagined a hundred different scenarios, but when I found my deepest block I was perplexed to see that I had, had such a crosscurrent belief in my subconscious mind that was COMPLETELY overwriting my conscious desire.
And let me tell you that my conscious desire was a DEEP passionate desire to be with my Twin Flame that seemed to never leave me.
How can subconscious beliefs overwrite your conscious desires?
If you have heard of the Law of Attraction you are probably wondering how on Earth is this possible, that a subconscious belief overwrites a conscious desire? Because most people teaching the Law of Attraction say that you can simply manifest any reality you want and this is true, except when you have a crosscurrent subconscious belief cancelling the conscious desire out and they usually don’t teach you this.
You see 95% of your reality is created through the subconscious mind and only 5% is created through your conscious desire. Add to this that the subconscious belief that is creating the hold up, originated from trauma and you are still carrying stuck emotions around that trauma in your vibrational field because if you would have released it, there wouldn’t be a false belief.
Now this is where the subconscious mind’s false belief charged with traumatic emotions is able to overwrite your conscious desire, because the vibrational frequency of the trauma emotions is more charged than the emotions of your conscious desire. Say the false belief has an emotional charge of say 9 on a scale from 1 to 10, even when your conscious desire has you vibrating at an awesome 7 – it’s still lower than the 9 of the false belief and the emotional charge from trauma.
The only way then to get our conscious desire manifested is to find and reduce the emotional charge around the traumatic experience and the false belief you created because of it. Get that out of the way and voila, you can manifest your desired outcome because there is no longer a crosscurrent subconscious belief cancelling it out.
This is the main work I do in the Akashic Record Clearings with clients, release trapped trauma emotions, find the false beliefs, break karmic patterns that have been looping over lifetimes and reprogram the subconscious mind with new 5th dimensional consciousness and unity codes.
So what was my sabotaging belief?
Unfortunately I can’t use my own healing gifts on myself, so I have had to work with other healers who have other gifts, that work different than mine.
But that has also been a part of the Divine design, because if I would have cleared this past life belief any earlier I would be like all the other Twin Flame teachers out there glorifying the union with the Twin Flame, but not able to teach you how to reach inner union. Thanks to the scenic route, that my twin and I have taken on our journey I can teach my clients the path to inner union, which is a prerequisite for true union with the beloved instead of just having a romantic relationship with them.
You may say, but that’s good enough for me. I want the romance and I’ll have it anyway I can get it.
The problem is that if you do not do your inner healing work any romantic relationship with your twin is still going to mirror your inner wounds and sometimes even call for separation. One of the Twin Flame couple’s I helped get married, are now facing separation again – his visa is giving an issue and so he has to go back to his home country for 6 months. Another couple I have worked with that are married had been struggling for more than 2 years to be able to live together, because he lived in the States and she lived in Europe. Imagine being married for two years and not being able to be together…
So trust me on this you want true Twin Flame union, not just a romantic relationship with your twin and the only way to get there is by doing the inner work. The majority of Twin Flames are not doing their inner work for whatever reason or they are just keeping themselves busy with methods that don’t work and so they keep going in circles on their Twin Flame journey. I wish it would be different, but the reality is that most Divine Feminine’s are mindlessly chasing ‘union’ believing that it will magically fix all the things that are not working in their lives. It of course doesn’t work that way because all your outer problems are your own SUBCONSCIOUS creation.
To help Twin Flames better understand the inner healing work that is needed on this journey I created a FREE 21 day e-course called The Love Project – You can sign up here.
Okay so back to the uncovering of my deep subconscious sabotaging belief. A couple of days before my twin’s birthday I had a healing session with one of my own healers. We did a journey she had just developed to remember your Twin Flame mission. She brought me into the landscape of my heart and asked me what I saw and although I started out in beautiful purple fields, I soon saw a swamp although I would rather call it marshland. There was this eerie kind of mist hanging low as you often see in horror movies and I was just waiting for something to jump out and grab me. It was really scary and I didn’t feel comfortable passing by it because I actually didn’t have to go through it – it just laid there on my left.
We journeyed further up a mountain to a golden temple where I had to connect deeply in order to retrieve the soul contract with my Twin Flame and the healer brought me back up and off the mountain, where we had to pass the marshland again and so she asked me if I wanted to explore what the marsh represented. Of course I didn’t want to explore it, it scared the sh*t out of me but I said yes anyway.
I immediately knew which past life it was connected to, it’s actually a life that I have already written about previously – which you can read here. It was a past life wound around romantic bliss or so I thought, because now I was seeing the things I had not been willing or able to see in that life. We were a very sweet couple, however my husband had a dark secret – he was what people in those days referred to as a sodomite (i.e. he was gay).
But as landowner of a noble family he was expected to marry and produce an heir. It would have been fine maybe if I would have been able to carry a child full term, then he could have left our sexual relationship at that, once the child was born. But instead I kept miscarrying our children and each time I did he had to force himself to be intimate with me again. Completely going against his own nature.
It was this inner conflict of living such an immense lie that made him commit suicide but because I had no clue about his sexual identity and preferences and no other experiences to compare sex with him to, I blamed myself. I told myself that I had not been woman enough, remember childbearing was a very important task in those days for women. Today we laugh at such ideas, but back in those days motherhood was holy and together with being a good wife they were the highest aspiration for a woman.
Women such as Jane Austen were still to be born and as a woman, you had no profession especially if you belonged to the gentry because your life as a woman revolved around your husband. And mine had just drowned himself in our estate’s lake, which could only mean that I had failed him terribly as a woman and a wife.
Where the first time we visited this past life I had released all my grief and heartache over losing my husband, now I encountered deep guilt and a feeling of inadequacy as a woman. I had failed to produce an heir multiple times and I had failed as a wife because why else would my husband kill himself? I had erroneously concluded.
I deeply believed that I wasn’t good enough….
Seeing what I understood now about this life, this was a ridiculous conclusion (they always are), Because when your husband is gay, it doesn’t matter how good of a woman you are or how attractive – because he is simply not attracted to women. It goes against his nature, but then back then, his true nature was considered sinful and so he had no way to be true to himself. He had to follow societal rules and be what others wanted him to be (something my twin has recreated for himself in this lifetime being born and raised in an Indian family who also belongs to the highest caste).
How this belief has repeated itself over the past 300 years
Then over the weekend as my understanding deepened I started to see how this sabotaging belief had kept my twin and I apart ever since that lifetime.
We have had two lifetimes that I know of since then:
One in Australia (click to read an article in which I talked about that past life before). He was in his 50’s married and father of 5 children. I was 29 and we had been having an affair since I was 26, I had just found out that I was pregnant and felt my life was over because I had ‘brought shame’ onto myself and my family by getting knocked up outside of marriage. I was lying on my back in the forest at our secret rendezvous spot, waiting for him to sneak out and meet me. Instead his wife came, I didn’t even see her coming, she snuck up on me from behind and killed me in a fit of rage. I was in a state of utter shock, as I bled to death from her attack. He blamed himself deeply and told himself, if only he would have stayed away from me, I would still be alive.
The shock part is interesting, because the past life in which my husband drowned himself – I was the one to find him floating face down in our lake. I ran into the water hysterical, trying to pull him out and breathe him back to life. In that lifetime I never recovered from that shock and I never fully became myself again. When we go into our future embodiments, carrying this kind of energy with us – we recreate similar experiences to release the stuck vibrational frequency.
This is why I said at the beginning of this article, it’s never someone else doing it to us – but us doing it to ourselves in an attempt to free ourselves from our painful past.
The other life together was in India and this was one of the most recent lifetimes. His current wife and I were identical twin sisters and he was to marry one of us. I was his choice because we had the love connection, but my sister wanted him too and so she locked me up and pretended to be me during the engagement ceremony. By the time he found out that he had been tricked and had picked the wrong sister, it was too late and he had to marry her.
You may think to yourself now that sister was a sneaky man-stealing b*tch, but she was only able to do this BECAUSE I had the subconscious belief that I would be an unworthy wife and woman to him based on the suicide life trauma. I created that love triangle to help myself remember, this painful wound that I had created because I had misinterpreted his checking out as being my fault and a product of my inadequacy. My sister was merely playing the role she needed to play to help me remember, the unaddressed pain inside myself.
I suffered in that life tremendously being so close to him and knowing that he wanted me but not being able to be together, but my sister suffered equally because no matter how she tried she could never take my place in his heart.
Yet the plot thickens, because the actual deeper cause of this suicide past life trauma originates from ancient Egypt. I was a Pharaoh and my Twin Flame was my mistress she was pregnant, but due to the very strict rules of that time we were not allowed to be together. Our love didn’t serve the world and so we had to sacrifice our love for the greater good of humanity. The world simply wasn’t ready for 5th dimensional unions at that time and so we had to both marry other people. I had to take the difficult decision of terminating the pregnancy, which well I guess you guessed it created huge feeling of guilt for me because I loved her so and wanted nothing more than to have this child with her. I would say it is the most painful thing you can do to a woman, is take away her child especially if you are the one that fathered it.
Which brings us full circle, the suicide life was another creation of my own in co-production with my twin to start restoring our bond as we were now entering an era in which we could be in true union without disrupting the equilibrium of the world around us and start releasing the obstacles that were in our way. One of which was my huge guilt around having ordered for her to terminate her pregnancy.
What is interesting here again are the strict rules of the society we lived in, in ancient Egypt they prohibited us from being together. In the suicide life my twin recreated those same strict rules applying to him, by choosing to be homosexual in a society that this was not allowed in. These kind of scenarios are called past life bleed-throughs. It’s when circumstances of a past life bleed through in a current life. And even though we did marry in that lifetime, his sexual identity still kept us from being together as we were sexually incompatible and lived this sweet romantic fantasy without any real passion. We were living this BIG lie pretending to be this super loving, perfect couple when in reality we were both miserable.
How this false belief was playing out in my current life
Fast forward to this lifetime and we meet again. He is 24 at that time and I’m a bit older, married and divorced twice and mother of 4 children of which the youngest died shortly after she was born.
We fall in love with each other instantly and we both know, we have found THE ONE. Yet despite his deep feelings for me and a strong desire to be with me, he forces himself to follow the again strict societal rules of his upbringing and marries a girl his family picked for him. His wife is my past life twin sister and his mother was the wife he cheated on with me in our Australian lifetime. You see how karmic ties all come together?
But still I can’t say well it’s his fault because he still hasn’t learned to free himself from strict societal rules and that would be very comforting, because then I DO NOT have to look at myself which is what many Twin Flames playing the blaming game do. Except that is called lying to yourself and it only keeps you stuck, you have to learn to take responsibility for your own creations and I can definitely see how my false belief originating from the suicide lifetime co-created this reality and all the players in it.
His relatively quick marriage around 2,5 years after we met was EXACTLY what I needed to bring back all these past life traumas into my conscious awareness so that I could release them. There was NO WAY in hell that my twin and I could have come into union, with all of this wounding in place AND the false belief that I wasn’t ‘woman enough‘ or a good wife for him. Again there was NOTHING that I wanted more in this world than to be his wife and have his child. When we first met he asked me what I wanted him to be in my life and I was lost for three days, I even went to visit my daughter’s grave and then I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this is what I wanted from him. When I told him and remember he was only 24 years old, he said it was the HAPPIEST DAY of his life to know I wanted to be with him.
But my conscious desire was completely OVERRULED by my past life trauma that I was still carrying in my vibrational field and the false beliefs that were connected to this trauma.
Clearing this trauma was the only way for us to ever be able to be together or even have a shot at true Twin Flame union, because you can’t enter a 5th dimensional frequency union running on old 3D programming and that programming has been stripped layer by layer over the past 5, 5 years which allowed me to first come into inner union with my soul and now move out one of the biggest blocks to an outer union with the beloved or someone better.
I have no idea if this means that my Twin Flame will leave his wife and come to me, something he promised me on their 3rd month wedding anniversary although he didn’t know if he would ever leave her – he promised me that if he did, he would be on a plane the next day to come to me.
What I DO KNOW is that clearing this false belief aligns me to the deep love and romantic bliss that I have always wanted but was never able to manifest. In fact this suicide past life false belief, has always kept me going for men who were not my equal simply because I felt unworthy subconsciously of someone who was my full equal in all ways. I had already identified this pattern within me, even before meeting my twin – I just didn’t know where it was coming from and how to reprogram it. Getting to the core blocks in my Twin Flame journey, has showed me now how that false belief was created and that it was indeed a false belief and always has been.
I pray this article inspires you to take MASSIVE ACTION on your Twin Flame journey. Believe me when I say that watching YouTube videos or consulting psychics is an utter waste of time. You have to do the inner healing work and as I have made clear in sharing my own story, that means facing your deepest pain and seeing through the illusion of it. It’s great if you read this close to 4000 word article to the end, but YOU need to decide now what you are going to do with this information because just reading this will do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for your own Twin Flame connection. You have to take responsibility, like I have for your own creations and find out what on Earth led you to creating them. That is what will set you free and that is what will GET YOU WHAT YOU WANT. Because just like me you have crosscurrent beliefs, that are canceling out your conscious desires.
If you are interested and excited to know how we can help you in your Twin Flame journey and Ascension process, check out the Tribe Mystery School for modern-day Initiates on the Twin Flame and Ascension path. In our signature program, the Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program we walk you step by step through the process of coming into inner union with your own soul. Inner union, is a prerequisite for true Twin Flame union and creating ‘Heaven on Earth’ from the inside out. You can also book an Akashic Record Clearing to release deep pain and trauma (including fears and false beliefs) from this and previous lifetimes.
Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.
If this article resonates with you, please share it abundantly. Thank you.
Lots of love,