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When all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place
What do Dubai, an ear infection, a childhood memory, a past life trauma and my Twin Flame connection have to do with each other?
Apparently everything as I found out this past week, showing once again that everything showing up in our reality is always interconnected and exactly as it should be. There are no mistakes in the Universe and life becomes a hell of a lot easier when we can start to see this. It allows you to show up in your life much more relaxed and chill even when things go differently than you expected or maybe even hoped for.
I was planning to be in Bali now, but life had different plans for me and instead a day before our flight I got a very painful ear infection. After my photo shoot in the desert (see pic above) we drove back to Dubai city in a hop on hop off bus with an open top. We were the last to get on the bus so we had to sit up at the top in the open area, while the cold desert wind struck our face relentlessly during the one hour drive back to the city.
Being thrashed by the cold evening wind was enough to develop a painful case of otitis externa, that was so bad I went to the hospital and actually used the heavy painkillers and antibiotics that the hot Hungarian doctor prescribed me – I was literally in so much pain.
I am really a natural meds kind of gal, I travel with my homeopathic first aid kit and use that or other kinds of alternative remedies when I don’t feel well or get sick. Until this week I haven’t used antibiotics in over 20 years because I had not needed to or down right refused the prescription because it only works on bacterial infections and not viral infections like the common cold or flu.
I have been blessed with a very strong health and have only had conditions like colds or flu’s over the past two decades. The only time I have stayed overnight in a hospital was after the birth of my fourth child who had a very rare birth defect and died thirteen days later, my other three children are all healthy home births with no painkillers whatsoever of course.
So for me it was a new thing to be in so much pain that I had to cancel our flight and use heavy medication to get through the day. The one thing I did know was, that this was happening for a reason and that it was part of an unexpected plot twist.
Except it just wasn’t clear at that moment – how going through this excruciating pain was serving my highest good….
Everything is always happening for our highest good
My Twin Flame journey has taught me over and over again that everything is always happening for our highest good, even when we can’t see how right off the bat when it happens.
My Twin Flame unexpectedly getting married to someone else the same week that I stepped into my role as Twin Flame teacher, was hard to swallow but it’s when all the real healing and growth started – everything before that was just me trying to get what I wanted by any means I could find, i,e trying to force my way. His marriage forced me to really let go and surrender my romantic fantasies of an and they lived happily ever after….
As soon as I did my twin told me that he didn’t know if he would ever leave his marriage, but that if he would, he would be on a plane the very next day to come to me.
Then mid last year (2018) as I was coming into the inner union phase of my Twin Flame journey, life threw me another curve ball when my twin showed up in my dream all happy because he was going to be a father! The next day he confirmed the dream on Facebook messenger and the baby was born 4 days before I arrived in India at the beginning of this year (2019).
This news blew any chances of a physical union with my twin out of the water, because what is he supposed to do – abandon a baby infant and go off to travel the world with me?
Of course my twin’s son became pivotal in our journey but also in my Ascension process, funnily enough the day I anchored in my higher self into the physical body is the day my twin’s baby was born. The child had been ours in a previous life in Egypt long long ago, that had not been allowed to be born because the world at that time wasn’t ready for the high frequency of Twin Flame unions or babies born from these unions.
Because my twin had given me a heads-up at the beginning of the pregnancy I had months to clear many past lives related to Egypt and interestingly enough, despite everything looking so dire in 3D – the baby was helping us release the obstacles that were keeping us apart in this lifetime.
It seemed as if their baby was bringing me and my twin closer and closer together in energy and even helping us dissolve the energetic barriers that had been separating us physically. We cleared a past life in which we believed our love did not serve the world, which correlated very much with his sacrificing our love in this lifetime for the greater good of his family. We cleared a past life which had us reverse our core gender, which would enable my twin to much more step into his masculine power which was also one of the things keeping us apart physically and last but not least we released a deep seated pattern of sacrificing our own needs for others. Something I had done as well and something he had done in regards to us, because of his strong cultural conditioning.
Yet despite all the intense healing and clearing work I did, when I was in India and only a half hours drive away from my twin, we didn’t meet up. We didn’t even have a normal conversation, but instead we had this massive fall out over a text message sent from his phone that was inappropriate and that he claims his friends had sent me.
I was not amused, in fact I felt hurt and I was upset with my twin for allowing this to happen and allowing his friends to desecrate me – which they had done before. Their behavior was totally uncalled for, both times but especially now it was very ill timed and disrespectful towards me but also my twin’s wife if she would have found out.
I had not come to India to make trouble of course, I was there for the retreat and a business meeting with my app development team to discuss a new project.
I had even gifted my twin and his wife a SRT clearing with Alexandra Dobigies to help them have the most optimum start with their child for Christ’s sakes. I was not wasting my time and energy on wishing they would break up. I even kept the pregnancy a secret, because not all of my followers are of sound mind and I didn’t want anyone thinking they were ‘helping me’ by sending mother and child negative vibes.
I had been nothing but a very supportive and good friend, I mean what do you do when you really love someone? Break up their marriage and seduce them away from their newborn child? Of course not, you deal with the punches and you support the other person to your greatest capacity. My twin knew how supportive I have been of him and how innocent our connection is and yet he allowed these bozos to drag me and our relationship through the mud.
So here I was after all my healing, after all my deep intense inner soul work – fully transformed into the highest expression of myself and in inner union and my twin pulls this cr*p acting like a first class j*rk – not even standing up for me and allowing his friends to treat me like some cheap hussy.
The discrepancy between where I was energetically and what was playing out in my 3D reality could not have been more completely polarized opposite than this!
Yet of course as everything is always happening for our highest good, also this totally absurd turn of events led into one of the most important shifts on my Twin Flame journey – it made me claim my birth right to experience true love and to completely release the ‘love is pain’ programming that I had, had subconsciously running on auto-pilot throughout lifetimes and lifetimes.
Left no other option than to let go even deeper
In the backdrop of this story with my Twin Flame, there was literally nothing left to hold onto.
We couldn’t even be friends and I quite honestly told my twin, I didn’t even like him that much at this moment. I found his behavior and everything that, that stood for repulsive quite frankly and immature. The guy is turning 30 this year, he should be capable of managing his life and at the very least keeping his phone under control.
I mean who in their right mind sends raunchy texts from their friend’s phone to an ex, when the friend’s wife is still bleeding from childbirth? He may have not sent that text himself, but it was his phone and his friends – this isn’t high school anymore. Grow the f*ck up please.
So I left India, ready to move on and in full acceptance of his choice to stay in his marriage and start a family. This also allowed me to come into total acceptance of their union, something that came up in a session with one of my retreat clients that I realized was also a message for me. I have never been jealous of his wife or ‘hated’ her, but I wasn’t in full acceptance either.
The fact that my twin told me that if he would ever leave her, he would come straight to me did not really help either. In many ways it was good to know this, but it didn’t make it easier to accept their marriage because I knew it had not started out on love from his side – yet for her, he was her dream come true.
I was now willing to be completely wrong about everything, maybe he had grown to be madly in love with her or had been all along and this is how he wants to live his life. Maybe he was just this weak, that he did not have the balls to tell me the truth either. There was even a part of me that didn’t want to be with someone like him anymore – I want a man not a kid.
He was not acting like a man at all, he’s being mommy’s little good boy. He actually seems to be married to his mother and his wife is just his mother’s stand in.
I even told him this in a text message.
You would think he would block me after a message like that, but he didn’t. He will accept WHATEVER it takes to keep me in his life and talking to him, which is not how I want us to show up in each other’s lives.
This dynamic has been on rinse and repeat for close to five years now and I was DONE with it.
I was not going to continue in this dynamic any longer.
The reason I am emphasizing this is because I believe that it’s not our conscious actions that create these massive breakthroughs in our Twin Flame journeys.
My biggest shifts have not come from journaling, meditation, affirmations or any other so called ‘spiritual’ way to force my will. My biggest shifts have come from letting go and surrendering what I want deeper and deeper and trust me, surrender is not a ONE TIME thing, you are called to surrender over and over again – to let go deeper and deeper.
I share this because it is a vital part of the breakthrough I made. It was not by pursuing my goal, but by giving up on it that this recent shift occurred. Now don’t get me wrong giving up at the beginning of my journey, would not have led me to the same end result – I had to go through every single part of it (all the healing, all the growth) to get here where I am now.
Yet at this time in my own journey, it was time to give up, let go and be fully at peace with the fact that despite all my efforts my twin stayed pretty much the same:
It was only on his terms, when he felt like it, when he needed me, etc and the rest of the time he would ‘ignore’ me and not respond which I was simply not willing to put up with any longer.
How it is all interconnected and fits together
When I shared on social media that my trip to Bali had been cancelled due to an ear infection, one of my Dutch followers reached out to me with a very detailed description of what the left ear and otitis externa stood for metaphysically and of course it was NO SURPRISE that the info she gave me described my current state of being to a T.
It also talked about being happy despite not having gotten what you want and I teach this stuff in my online program Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program. I KNOW this stuff and to a great extent I also LIVE this stuff, but if I was total honest with myself I wasn’t living it 100% and I had reached a point in my own (hero’s) journey that I needed to truly embody everything I had learned along the way. The more you evolve, the more you have to live what you know.
The information about the metaphysical meaning behind my condition and the left ear being inflicted also talked about old emotions wanting to be felt and listening to your deepest self and fully trusting and feeling safe inside yourself while tapping into the deeper channels of consciousness from other dimensions that are connected to your earthly existence.
After the retreat in India in my own sessions with the healers I had started to tap into my multidimensionality and embodying my multidimensional being.
So all this info was hitting home massively for me….
In the meantime I spoke to my app developer who was still desperately trying to deliver my gift to my twin. I had brought a nice but not romantic gift for my twin that he refused to accept. The night before the app developer wanted to send the gift, he ran into a mutual friend of him and my twin in the supermarket in the middle of the night.
Such a coincidence right? Hahaha
I know this friend as well as he and my twin spend a lot of time together in the past, when they were both involved with two girls who are best friends. He is also one of the before mentioned friends that dragged me through the mud.
The friend told my app developer that there was a function in my twin’s house the next day, so he decided not to send the gift as the house would be filled with guests.
My twin’s friend told my app developer three other things:
- That my twin had a fight with him and another one of their friends over me (I had demanded my twin to stand up for me – which he apparently did)
- That my twin didn’t have any feelings for me, but that I kept trying to contact him (the friend was simultaneously trying to find out from my app developer if my twin and I were still in contact)
- That my twin had a fight with his wife about me after she had found out about my existence
My app developer did not want to get involved in this mess, so he just kept repeating that our relationship is strictly business and that I don’t confide in him, which is true. My app developer doesn’t like my twin and he doesn’t like the way my twin behaves towards me publicly, so we usually avoid the subject.
But this new information made my twin rise in his esteem and he was also happy to hear that my twin had finally stood up for me. Which he said made the next statement a contradiction because why would my twin get in a fight over me with two of his best friends, if not because I am important to him?
Now this is where it gets interesting, after I hung up the call with my app developer I was shaking with emotions and tears streamed down my face. I had a huge release of pent up grieve and a sense of relief that seemed completely out of context to the situation. Why was this affecting me so much? I even sent my twin a voice clip in tears thanking him for standing up for me. Which was basically the least I could expect of him in a situation like this, he seriously needs to get some better friends – these guys are first class wankers.
Later while analyzing why this was so important to me, I came to it being recognition or acknowledgement of my worth to him and of his feelings for me aka the truth. A recognition of the truth, an acknowledgement of the truth. In readings I kept getting the justice card, so this wasn’t so much about either my worth or his feelings – it was about acknowledging the truth.
I told my app developer very outraged that it had all started from my twin’s side almost 5 years ago, he pulled me close. He was already fantasizing about me sexually as soon as he saw my profile picture and we had not even talked. On our first personal call I was the one to seduce him, but he was the one to tell me 2 hours into that call that he knew it didn’t make sense but that he had to tell me that he loved me.
I was crazy about him, but I wasn’t sure if it was love and so I didn’t say it back.
As soon as I was on board emotionally, he ran and has made it look like he has long moved on and I am this crazy person who just doesn’t give up on him. When in reality even throughout the years, he has done his part in keeping the fires of love burning between us even though we hardly ever talk and certainly don’t have sex. He has strategically said and done the things he needed to, to keep me as close as he can handle it.
It has not all just been coming from my side, no matter how much he tries to make it look that way because it’s more convenient for him.
On Valentines day I had a session with one of my healers that brought it all together and gave me huge clarity also in regards to our Twin Flame dynamic.
In the session we went to the third eye and a childhood memory of meeting a man in my grandmother’s house that I talked to but that the grown ups said wasn’t really there. It was a family member on my mother’s side that was already deceased as it turned out.
He had walked up to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said ‘So you’re the daughter of Hendrina…’ I ran out of the room to tell my mother about this experience and even she didn’t really understand what had happened, while the other grown ups told me it was impossible to have seen someone there because there was no one else in the house….
It reminds me of a poem from 1899 my father taught me called Antigonish by William Hughes Mearns. Inspired by reports of a ghost of a man roaming the stairs of a haunted house, in Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada.
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there!
He wasn’t there again today,
Oh how I wish he’d go away!”
When I came home last night at three,
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall,
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door…
Last night I saw upon the stair,
A little man who wasn’t there,
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away…
Apparently as a child I had been able to tap into these other dimensions, but shut my ability down after this incident because of subconsciously being afraid of being (seen as) delusional. When feeling into it, memories came back of a past life around 1800 concerning money blocks that I had cleared in 2012.
Clearing this past life and the quantum leap in income I made through clearing it, was what started me off on my journey of looking into past lives to heal the present after I had met my Twin Flame. Little did I know then that this would be one of my spiritual gifts with which I would help others.
This was another BIG full circle moment that this past life would pop up now, as you will understand as I explain further.
In that past life my family had put me in a mental asylum to get their hands on my money. The healer immediately pointed out the parallel of my childhood memory involving my family and this past life memory involving my family. As I zoomed in on the information my soul wanted to share, I got more details around the past life.
I had been the heir of the family money, but I had also been a visionary and I was pursuing my dream and calling – funding it with the family fortune. I could SEE THINGS OTHERS COULDN’T SEE except then contrary to now as a child I wasn’t seeing and talking to dead people – I saw a future visionary reality that I wanted to manifest, but that others did not deem possible.
My family in that life could only see that I was blowing the family fortune on a delusional idea that seemed absolutely crazy to them and so in order to stop me from making them bankrupt, they had me committed. Mental facilities back then were abominable and I lost myself and my grip on reality. I became what I was diagnosed of not because I already was, but because of the traumatic experience to be misdiagnosed as such (severe injustice).
In this light it makes total sense that I shut down my ability to see and talk to people who are not in a physical body because that hit that same internal fear of being/becoming delusional or being seen as such.
Now let’s tie it back to my Twin Flame journey, this acknowledgement or recognition of THE TRUTH from my twin that had meant so much to me, was related to this past life. For what had been deemed insanity by my family and the people they paid to diagnose me, was in fact my geniosity. I was a genius in that lifetime, with a humanitarian vision that the people of my time simply did not understand. Which explains why I chose to be an Aquarian in this lifetime, to put pressure on that feeling of being ahead of my times and seen as a bit eccentric.
We always choose those circumstances that help us release previous life trauma and this lifetime had really left a traumatic imprint on my soul.
What all these seemingly unrelated situations were conspiring to get me to do, was re-own my geniosity. Reclaim being a genius, which may sound pompous but stick with me here.
In ancient Rome, the genius (plural in Latin genii) was the guiding spirit or tutelary deity of a person, family (gens), or place (genius loci). The noun is related to the Latin verb genui, genitus, “to bring into being, create, produce”, as well as to the Greek (ιδιοφυΐα < αρχαία ελληνική ~ idiophiia < ancient Greek) word for birth. Because the achievements of exceptional individuals seemed to indicate the presence of a particularly powerful genius, by the time of Augustus, the word began to acquire its secondary meaning of “inspiration, talent”. The term genius acquired its modern sense in the eighteenth century, and is a conflation of two Latin terms: genius, as above, and Ingenium, a related noun referring to our innate dispositions, talents, and inborn nature. Beginning to blend the concepts of the divine and the talented, the Encyclopédie article on genius (génie) describes such a person as “he whose soul is more expansive and struck by the feelings of all others; interested by all that is in nature never to receive an idea unless it evokes a feeling; everything excites him and on which nothing is lost.”
Geniosity is the ability to be led by the soul, which I had a massive wounding on from this previous lifetime. I had followed my inner vision and promptings and had lost EVERYTHING including myself because of it. There was a massive wound around injustice from that previous lifetime, I had been committed because of my family’s fear of losing the family fortune not because I was crazy, that was just their perception of me as they couldn’t see what was yet to be created but that I was already able to see as a reality.
This also explains why trust has been such a theme on my Twin Flame journey, it’s where my twin and I had the most intense soul wounding.
Now if you are reading this article to find out how to get back with your Twin Flame, you probably won’t see the relevance of all this. Because hey the end result at this moment in my connection is nowhere near where you hope to end up with your twin. But when you realize that the Twin Flame journey is part of a larger path and your Ascension journey you can see how relevant it is to undo all the wounding that has us stuck in illusion, whether you get your romantic happy end or not.
Or in my case if you can even talk to each other or not…
But that is also what clicked into place for me immediately. I understood that if our connection had been any other way over the past close to five years, it wouldn’t have triggered this trauma. I needed the experience of ‘being made to look crazy’ and the corresponding injustice to trigger this deep wounding. If we would have had more contact like many other couples it wouldn’t have triggered the crazy or injustice part. If we had NO CONTACT at all and he would have told me to f*ck off, I wouldn’t have had the confirmation that he did in fact also still love me and a future together – which would have triggered the crazy aspect, but not the severe injustice. We needed this ultra-sh*tty dynamic for me to release this in-depth soul wounding.
Now going back to the earache it talked about tapping into these other dimensions which I could not allow myself to do, because of this past life trauma around my geniosity and opening up faculties that go beyond ‘the normal’. My subconscious mind remembered the last time we did that and it did not go well, so in order to ‘protect’ me it shut down those abilities. Which goes back to the soul retrieval article I wrote recently – clearing this past life will allow me to access the gifts I already had acquired in that lifetime.
Clearing it allows me to tap into my genius aspect, that I had before closed off because the memories were too painful.
This is of course not about ‘Wow, look at me being special!‘
These are faculties that we ALL have access to, each and everyone of us. We walk around on planet Earth pretending to be these limited beings, while in fact we are unlimited potential just waiting for us to direct our creations consciously instead of subconsciously – which is how the majority of people go through life.
After the healing session my mother pointed out why we had had to stay in Dubai. Dubai is the most visionary place I have been to. They have managed to turn a piece of desert into paradise and it’s interesting because their very first skyscraper was not built in the city. It was built out in the desert and people questioned why this location was chosen, that same building now renamed the Dubai World Trade Center no longer stands alone in the desert but is smack in the middle of downtown Dubai!
No doubt that many people mocked the visionary sheikh for years as they couldn’t understand the vision he had for Dubai. Yet it is thanks to his vision that Dubai is now extremely well organized when in the 1960’s and ’70’s it was just as chaotic and ill-maintained as countries like Egypt and India, with all the discomforts that come with being underdeveloped. Instead Dubai feels like home to foreigners because it offers the comfort and even the insane luxury that all the best places on earth are famous for. Including health food stores that are set up like American Whole Foods Markets and almond milk decaf cappuccino’s.
Moving on from here
Following my guidance I want to take a break for some time in writing especially about my own journey but also about Twin Flames.
But I want to take a break from Twin Flame land and tapping into the Twin Flame collective.
I am currently working hard with my team on getting sabriyéayana.com up and running and I will continue writing articles there about the Ascension path, Divine partnerships and my experiences in travelling the world and living life in 5D.
The reason I feel called to not write about my own journey anymore at the moment is because I feel the need to create an empty space for the new to come in, whatever that new may look like. I also need to disengage a bit from the Twin Flame collective, the overall energy is so frantic and obsessive that I need a break from it to go within and bring in higher teachings that will serve Twin Flames even better.
Often times I find my readers don’t fully comprehend the messages I share with them and project a lot of their own fears and false beliefs on to me and my Twin Flame journey. At this point in my own journey, I need to shield myself and my Twin Flame connection against this negativity which just comes with the territory. When you share as deeply and as vulnerably as I do many people judge you, criticize you and so forth. Normally this is fine, but for the phase I am entering now I need to create a vacuum of stillness to go within.
So I think until I really have something relevant to share regarding Twin Flames, this will be my last article here for now. If you want more in-depth teachings on the Twin Flame journey, come and join The Twin Flame Tribe which gives you access to my online program the Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program. My online program offers you a step by step guide to coming on the other side of the Twin Flame journey, whether that is together with your twin or not – you will be fully empowered because of it.
I pray that reading this article will help you see how guided the Twin Flame journey is. How every situation, every person, every experience is always moving you toward your greater good, Everything is EXACTLY how is supposed to be in this moment, including the things we desperately want to be different or that we find fault with. These situations and experiences or the people involved are all just stepping stones for the soul to get us where it wants to bring us in this lifetime.
My advice to you is to trust that it is, all unfolding perfectly. Take action when you feel guided to and become still and check within when you don’t know what to do.
It was an honor walking this path with you.
Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.
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Lots of love,