This is Part II of a two piece series on Twin Flame hypocrisy, you can read Part I here. It’s also part three in the Shadow work series. If you are unfamiliar with the concept of shadow work, please read Part I to understand the concept.
If you are new to this website I highly recommend that you download the free Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript. Reading it will give you a better understanding of the Twin Flame journey and why this is meant to be so much more than just another ‘boy meets girl’ love story.
It’s not meant personally
These articles are not written to point the finger at you, but to give you practical information to help you see where you could be sabotaging yourself without even realizing it. We all have unconscious and subconscious wounding that make us behave in certain ways that don’t serve us. What often makes it difficult to see these patterns is the fact that they happen outside our conscious awareness, which means we aren’t even aware of the counterproductive behavior or the hidden wounding where it originates from.
I am writing this series to help you shine a light on your own inner dragons and demons, so that you can face them and overcome them.
If you really want to dive deep into your subconscious patterns and past lives, you can book a Akashic Record Clearing with me and I will help you release the more deep seated gunk and sludge that you can’t access on your own.
The strategies we use to avoid going within…
Continuing on the previous article let’s discuss some of the other strategies we use to avoid going within. Remember the way you do anything, is the way you do everything. If you behave in any of these ways in your life, you will bring this behavior into every other relationship you have and everything you say or do in every other aspect of your life.
You can control conscious behavior, but unconscious and subconscious behavior controls you – because it happens outside of your conscious awareness.
It’s like freaking autopilot, it runs its automated program before you even figured out what the h*ll is happening.
That’s also why it is so important to become aware of it, because then you can stop involuntarily reacting from your suppressed wounding and instead choose to react from your heart.
#4 Expecting the worse to happen
My mother is a star in this and I have been working hard on releasing my place as second runner up.
So as soon as my mother receives any mail, she will be like ‘Oh this is going to be a bill. They probably want more money. I knew this was coming…’ and she hasn’t even opened the freaking envelop. So I tell her ‘Relax, it’s probably just advertising.’ and nine out of ten times that is exactly what happens, she opens up the envelope releases a sigh of relief as she confirms that it is indeed just some general mailing and nobody is asking her to pay more…
Due to the fact that trusting the Universe has been my biggest challenge on this journey, I have really had to work hard at shifting a pattern of waiting for the other shoe to drop. And this is where a lot of Law of Attraction novices often get confused, it’s not your conscious fears that get manifested easily – it’s your subconscious and unconscious fear.
So despite my constantly bracing myself, for the other shoe to drop…it actually never happened. It didn’t manifest itself. I just at some point realized how unnecessary it was to keep worrying about and bracing myself, for things that actually never happened…
In Dutch there is a saying ‘Een mens lijdt het meest door het lijden dat hij vreest.’ which roughly translated means that man suffers the most from the suffering he fears.
I once read that 35% of the people in any given airplane are afraid of flying. So despite the fact that so many people are afraid to go up in the air, flying is I believe the most safest way to travel with the least casualties. If our fears would manifest so easily, flying would be a lot more dangerous.
Expecting the worst doesn’t make what you fear happen, because everything is always happening for our highest good so unless you are meant to experience something your soul will simply block it.
My god, imagine a life where we could constantly steer ourselves off track through our ego fears and false beliefs – every incarnation would be a waste because the ego would always hijack the embodiment and run riot. It doesn’t work like that, the soul doesn’t helplessly sit by looking down from heaven while the ego does as he or she pleases.
The soul runs the show, not the ego although it likes to think it does.
So expecting the worst is a waste of time and energy and again creates a lot of stress, fear, and drama. It of course also shows up in our Twin Flame connections, fearing the twin will be with someone else, fearing a possible pregnancy, fearing the twin will never come back. There are thousands of ways we literally expect the worst in our Twin Flame relationships – but unless your twin has a soul contract with someone else to get married and unless the couple has a soul contract with a child that they agreed to bring into this world, it’s not going to happen. If it does happen, than this is what you, your twin and all the other souls involved agreed upon when you created your Divine Plan for this incarnation.
You are really not just winging it, that’s just another ego fear.
When my Twin Flame got married to someone else, I knew it was going to be a blessing in disguise – because I know there are no mistakes in the Universe and that everything we experience is Divinely guided by our souls. It has been an absolutely blessing and even though my ego of course would have preferred the romantic fairy-tale I was hoping for, having gone through it all – I am so grateful for this experience because it has brought me closer to myself than I ever held possible.
#5 Not or only half understanding what is being said
I run into this often with blog readers that misinterpret what I share or like I said in the previous article jump to wrong conclusions. This stems from trying to make sense of the world by compartmentalizing it, which stems from separation consciousness. Like black and white thinkers, black and white thinkers often find it difficult to understand what I teach, because they can’t hold two seemingly opposing truths in their mind at the same time.
For example in some cases it is very recommendable to have another romantic partner on your Twin Flame journey, yet in most cases it isn’t. They are both true at the same time and it is up to your own discernment, to figure out which one applies to you. It all comes down to being brutally honest with yourself about WHY you want to be with this person.
But even if you would pick ‘the wrong choice’ you will find out soon enough and course correct, don’t worry the sky will not fall on your head and you will not end up in hell.
In the ultimate spiritual reality there is no black and white answer and part of being on the Twin Flame journey, which is the ascension path into the new 5D consciousness is to be able to see things as ONE instead of two (duality). The two don’t oppose each other they are the two aspects of the same thing – the ONE thing.
in the old paradigm it was always or/or or this or that, in the new 5th dimensional paradigm its and/and and this and that. 3D was based on scarcity, 5D is based on unlimited abundance, unlimited possibilities and the appearing opposites being equally valuable where in 3D one was good and the other bad.
So to people still thinking in terms of good and bad, right and wrong, superior and inferior it can be very difficult to grasp a reality where all that they were brought up to believe in doesn’t apply. It’s confusing because there is no one to enforce right and wrong from the outside, you have to feel and discern for yourself in every situation how you want to show up as a being of love. This is impossible if you subconsciously or unconsciously don’t trust yourself due to upbringing or past life wounding.
Another way to put this and how it may show up in your Twin Flame connection is that people often don’t hear (or take in, in any other way) what is being said, they understand only what they perceive through the filters through which they view the world around them.
These filters are created through the subconscious and unconscious wounding that then alters their perception of reality because instead of seeing reality as it is, we see our reality through the subconscious and unconscious wounding that is being triggered. This always leads to an incorrect response to the HERE and NOW, because the place that you are reacting from is outdated and not relevant to the experience you are having now. Your subconscious mind only thinks its relevant because it triggers a memory of when you have felt this way before.
The reason that memory is getting triggered in the first place is not because the other person is a douche, but because your subconscious mind manifested this situation to help you heal the original trauma by re-enacting it in the HERE and NOW. The other person is doing you a favor by helping you remember this pain, so that you can release it this time around.
Just like the subconscious mind can repress a trauma for many years in one lifetime, it also happens over lifetimes and lifetimes until the 3D self is evolved and matured enough to deal with the trauma. At that time the trauma will resurface, by a re-triggering of the original wound so that the wounding can be released once and for all.
Childhood abuse and childhood trauma is always brought in from previous lifetimes. This does not mean you are to blame, if you experienced childhood abuse for example. Nor does it let the abusers off the hook, child abuse is never acceptable under any circumstances. Yet understanding that you chose the experience and the people involved in the abuse prior to your embodiment (birth) helps shift out of victim consciousness. This is important because victim mentality is a 3D state of being, you can’t enter a 5D state of being as your physical reality – seeing yourself as a victim of circumstances.
5D and victim identification are mutually exclusive.
People with unresolved childhood trauma will easily get triggered by the above, because they are still so stuck in the pain of the experience – that they can’t see beyond the anger and hatred they feel towards their abusers. Though that pain is real and often very intense, holding onto it for multiple decennium does not serve you.
The subconscious mind applies everything you feel towards others, to yourself and therefore holding onto anger and hatred, hurts you more than the person or people its directed at. They don’t suffer because we are angry and hate them, we suffer because we hold anger and hatred in our hearts.
Watch Neal Donald Walsch, Harville Hendrix and Gregg Braden explain this phenomena in the movie The Moses Code, the sequel to The Secret (starts at 8:43-10:07).
So even though you are very justified to be angry and upset about what happened to you, holding onto it is often hurting you more in ways you don’t realize, than the abuse itself.
Especially because unforgiveness has been linked to cancer.
Of all cancer patients, 61 percent have forgiveness issues, and of those, more than half are severe, according to research by Dr. Michael Barry, a pastor and the author of the book, The Forgiveness Project.
Unforgiveness is always a question of not (completely) understanding the situation and looking from the wrong perspective, the 3D self perspective instead of viewing the experience and people involved from the soul’s perspective. The ego can only view life from the viewpoint of separation and therefore sees everything as either ‘with us’ or ‘against us’, it simply can’t see the bigger picture.
I have worked with people who have struggled to forgive someone for years and helped them shift this in one session into complete forgiveness, because I helped them shift their perspective to see how this person and painful experience had come to help them heal a much deeper and older wound.
#6 Projecting your own disowned aspects onto the other
Harville Hendrix already mentions this in the above video clip at 9:51 when you criticize someone the subconscious mind receives it as criticism of the self.
An interesting phenomenon is that often what we judge most harshly in the other is either something we ourselves struggle with, something we are envious of or we recognize in the other a part of ourselves that we have disowned because of a subconscious judgment (past life, familial, societal, cultural). It actually doesn’t matter how the judgment was created but somehow you believe that, that aspect of you is not allowed to be expressed. This can be based on a subconscious or unconscious fear or false belief and most often, it’s a disowned soul aspect due to unprocessed trauma.
When you see others express that aspect of themselves, it triggers your inner pain about not being able to accept that part in yourself.
Forget loving others for a moment and let’s just focus on loving ourselves fully, which is where our capacity to love others stems from to begin with. We need to be able to accept every aspect of ourselves in order to love ourselves. That is why shadow work is so important because we need to face all those painful places where we judge and reject ourselves. The more we can do this in ourselves, the more we can bring this quality into our relationships with others.
Watch Debbie Ford at 27:34 – 29:39 in the video above on this subject about embracing every aspect of ourselves in self love.
Projection shows up everywhere in our lives, but especially in our intimate relationships and again its what most 3D romantic relationships are riddled with. The more we face our shadows and wounding head on, the less we project our own disowned wounds onto others including the Twin Flame because we have become a clear pool inside our-self, instead of muddy waters.
This is the missing part in the self love equation, self love is much more than being generous, kind and loving with yourself. It’s being able to face and love the parts that you have disowned, that you are ashamed of or perhaps even despised about yourself.
Although projection is seen as a ‘bad’ thing in most peoples eyes, it’s also very valuable because it can show us what we have disowned inside ourselves and help us retrieve and reintegrate that aspect of ourselves. This can only happen when we can become alert when we see something, we don’t want to see in ourselves, so obnoxiously clearly in another.
Your own inner irritation is a dead give away, that whatever you see in the other is a message for you to look deeper inside yourself and how you feel about this in relation to yourself.
#7 Psychologizing the other
As I share much of my life and Twin Flame journey, people tend to read all kinds of things into what I share. My transparency suddenly becomes an invitation for unsolicited advice and or analysis of me, my life and my Twin Flame connection. Which is what it is, it comes with the territory of being visible on the internet and reaching thousands of people a month.
There was a time that it would upset me if someone said they didn’t feel my Twin Flame was really my twin, now I literally don’t give a f*ck what anyone else thinks, feels or believes around my Twin Flame connection because it’s none of their business. It’s my business and I know that I am right on track.
The same goes for what you observe in others especially if you start diagnosing them and labeling them with labels like narcissist, commitment phobic, borderliner, depressed, suicidal, manic depressed, adhd, psychotic, etc.
You do not have a degree in psychology, nor are you a doctor in psychiatry – so you should stay away from amateur diagnosis. Not only because you are not qualified to make such assessments, based on what you think you know about this person but most of all because the implicit message behind such an assessment is that you are above this person.
When you diagnose someone, you create instant separation and place them below you which creates a disturbed distribution of power in the relationship. Instead of seeing them and treating them as an equal, you claim the authority to know better than themselves what is going on in their inner world.
You also simply don’t accept them as they are, because whether you label it with a pathological term or not, you are basically only finding fault in them which gives off the message that you don’t accept them how they are now. And adding a psychological or psychiatric label to it, just adds to insult.
It’s a very nasty habit and something that many women love to do.
When working towards union this of course doesn’t work as it is the epitome of separation consciousness, but even apart from union this behavioral pattern creates all kinds of nasty dynamics in romantic relationships because you can’t be your partners therapist. In a professional therapist client relationship intimacy would be considered unethical between patient and therapist and again you run into the unequal distribution of power in such cases.
Attempting to be your partner’s therapist also gets you into a whole heap of trouble, because you are in NO WAY objective in your assessment of the other because their behavior concerns you and impacts you directly – opening up the door to all kinds of manipulation. self-serving guidance and other murkiness you are best to stay clear of.
Women often try and seek closeness and intimacy through discussing their issues or the issues they perceive in their partner, but there are better ways to create intimacy and connection than rehashing your trauma’s and childhood wounds with your partner.
In short psycho-analyzing or psychologizing the other’s behavior does not work well in any relationship, because of all the above mentioned reasons. In your most intimate relationships, it literally kills all intimacy and does more harm than good. As women we are hard-wired to talk about our problems and find solutions by sharing this with basically anyone and everyone who is willing to listen. Men are not like that, they go into their cave to figure things out – they pull back.
If stuff like this interests you read John Gray or David Deida, feminism has tried to impose the idea on us that there is no difference between men and women and that is incorrect. There are massive differences in how men and women are wired, it should however not to lead to valuing the one more than the other, which is what patriarchy has led to.
But as long as the liberation of women, is based around the ideal of the white male who has no caretakers responsibilities – you can hardly speak of a real liberation. Before women were trapped in the house and kitchen, now women are trapped in the work force but they are STILL the ones doing almost all of the unpaid care-giving that has no economical value appointed to it – but would cost you a fortune if you would have to outsource it.
The fact that women are expected to do this work for free has led to the impoverishment of mainly women and children, because a woman does not have another person in her life that cooks, cleans the house and takes care of the kids for free. Most men do through their ex-wife, their mother or new partner, which frees him to be fully available to the workforce.
In the new paradigm thought form of the 5th dimension, this is all outdated because we realize that we are in fact androgynous and carry both a feminine and masculine side inside of us. The insanity of the old paradigm thought form brought with it this whole idea that the masculine part in us was superior to our feminine part and that has everything to do with our social, cultural and familial conditioning and even the language we were brought up in.
As Twin Flames, Starseeds and Lightworkers we need to overcome this gender inequality programming that is so deeply ingrained in the old paradigm state of being. Believing that our left foot is superior to our right foot would be considered insane, yet without even realizing we have subconsciously bought into the idea that masculine is more valuable than feminine and all the other fears and false believes that come with 6,000 years of patriarchal conditioning.
Watch this Ted talk here about the impact of language on the way we think:
Inner union which is the precursor to outer union is impossible until your inner masculinity and inner femininity are at peace and in harmonious union with each other.
You would be surprised about the utter sh*t you believe about the opposite sex, that you aren’t even aware of. Like ‘men only want one thing.’ or keeping it in the line of patriarchy fear of being dominated by a man and so on. Men often fear being manipulated by a woman, or being taken advantage of for financial gain. All these subconscious beliefs keep your inner Divine Feminine and your inner Divine Masculine at war and I have said it a thousand times, whatever you experience inside of you will be reflected back to you as your outer reality. If you don’t like what is being mirrored back to you, work on what you believe and hold to be true inside of you.
This is also why Twin Flame union takes time and should not be measured in levels of romantic progress. Twin Flame union literally asks you to make a 180 in your state of being, which is only possible when you let go of EVERYTHING that you were taught to believe is true.
I pray reading this article and the other articles in this series on Shadow work, serves you and helps you face your own shadows and unconscious behavior deeper. Just writing these past couple of articles, brought me to a massive Aha-moment in which I saw my own unintended hypocrisy in regards to my Twin Flame journey. This insight created a major inner shift for me, which I hope this series will also help you create for yourself. Many readers have already wrote me to let me know how transformational these Shadow work articles have been for them.
If you want more teachings such as these, join the Twin Flame Tribe and get instant access to my online program Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program, in which you learn so much more than I can teach you through my weekly articles.
Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.
If this article resonates with you please share it abundantly. Thank you.
Lots of love,