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When your Twin Flame is with someone else
All Twin Flame relationships have some obstacle to overcome before the twin couple can be together. I do not know one true Twin Flame couple that this did not apply to.
It can be long distance, it can be a previous marriage on one or both sides, it can be different sexual orientation, large age differences, different cultures, a handicap… The sky is the limit when it comes to obstacles that keep twins apart (for the time being) and a new or existing relationship for the so called runner twin, is actually a very common one that many Twin Flames have to deal with on their journey. So if this applies to you as well, there are many twin brothers and sisters facing this exact same issue. You are not alone, yet that doesn’t make it less difficult to go through.
Quick check in: Are you in a Twin Flame dynamic or are you just having an affair?
Really only you can answer this question. Please do not try to establish your Twin Flame connection through any form of divination, asking psychics to confirm your connection is like playing Russian Roulette – they will all have different answers. Most of which you won’t like hearing or that will not serve you.
If you need a foolproof method to get an answer from the Universe, you can try this procedure here.
The less sex you and your twin are having, the more likely you are true Twin Flames. In most twin couples until they have worked through their stuff there is not a whole lot of sex going on because it triggers deeply.
The twin flame connection is not sex based or romantic love based for that matter, it is soul based and it’s meant to transform your life not just fulfill your romantic fantasies.
If you haven’t downloaded the free Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript yet, now is a good time to do so. In it I explain how Twin Flames are much more than your normal ‘boy meets girl’ love story, reading it will give you a better idea of what Twin Flames have come to be a catalyst of in each other’s lives. If you are in a Twin Flame relationship you will totally recognize your own experience in the manuscript.
If you do feel this is your true Twin Flame, then dump the whole idea of catalyst twins or fake twins because honestly it adds no value to the journey and it only keeps you running around in circles like a chicken without a head. It just adds to the feeling of panic that most twins who have not done their healing work, experience. So please drop the whole concept, you will find out soon enough if this person is your true Twin Flame or not – because no matter what, you can never lose your twin. If you work on you and this person disappears for good then it wasn’t your twin but you got some massive healing and growth out of it anyway.
The problems arise when you allow the twin label to let yourself become all codependent and project romantic fantasies onto an otherwise abusive relationship. If you use this connection to REALLY work on you, no abuser can stay in your reality for long because you will not be an energetic match to this kind of person. There will be nothing in you (left) to attract this kind of person into your physical reality.
Why is your twin in a relationship with someone else if you two are meant to be?
The next question you may ask yourself is:
‘Why is my twin with someone else if we are meant to be?‘
There are multiple answers to that question:
- He/she (your twin) might have lessons to learn and karma to settle with this other person
- Nothing brings up your own fear of loss, fear of rejection, not feeling good enough, etc. then your twin being with someone else – which helps you access this wounding so that it can be healed once and for all
- This is the way your souls agreed to create distance (illusion of separation) in order to trigger your mutual wounding that is keeping you out of union
I firmly believe that all third party relationships have come to serve your union, whether it is a more serious relationship or your twin just having flings – which keeps them out of serious commitments (there is an upside to everything).
It may not be fun to go through, but there is a whole lot of healing and growth possible if you hang in there and not having sex with your twin makes that a whole lot easier. When you are physically intimate with your twin, when they are officially with someone else or just playing the field – it will be a lot more difficult to keep emotional distance. Especially for us women, when we orgasm we release loads of oxytocin in our blood stream. This is the bonding hormone, that also bonds mother and child.
You are kind of setting yourself up for heartache when you bond so intensely with someone, who then leaves to go home to their girlfriend or wife. Honestly you also don’t need sex to keep this one close, because if someone is your true Twin Flame they can’t forget you either no matter who they are banging. You are as much in their blood, as they are in yours.
Why if this really is your Twin Flame you should not give up and move on
The normal 3D response to your twin moving on with someone else, would be to give up and move on yourself. It would just be clear, that person is gone and it is over.
It does not work like that between Twin Flames. The stayer twin, most often the Divine Feminine part in the couple encounters the following when she tries to move on:
- Despite the fact that she is an Ace at walking away, she can’t walk away from this one
- She is being flooded with signs and syncs that are telling her to hold on and not give up
- She doesn’t meet anyone new
- Even if she does try to date, something always seems to go hilariously wrong one way or the other
- She doesn’t feel attracted to anyone else but her twin
- Sex with anyone other than the twin doesn’t satisfy
Basically you are screwed, because you can’t have what you want and you’re not able to walk away either.
So if you are here at this point, feeling utterly screwed over by the Universe, you are actually exactly where you should be. Because above all the Twin Flame connection is meant to help you make the shift from the old 3D paradigm to the new 5th dimensional reality, we are collectively shifting into. Now most people think 3D is down here and 5D is up there, but dimensions are not places they are comfort levels of your perceived reality. 5D is meant to be experienced as a physical reality and the Twin Flame encounter, helps you release everything that is keeping you locked into the old paradigm of suffering.
The reason you want to make this shift, despite the fact that it will have you shoveling through your own inner sh*t for some time is because 5D is the realm of Heaven on Earth – which is pretty much how you felt in the love bubble phase with your Twin Flame. That experience was to give you a taste of the goods and to create an inner hunger for more…. The more is only accessible by releasing all the gunk and sludge that is weighing you down.
This brings us back to why your twin is with someone else at the moment, this is to help you access all this deeper layered sh*t that get’s triggered this way. It is exactly the combination of not being able to walk away, combined with your feelings for your twin and the third party relationship that helps you access layers of wounding you never knew existed.
Some people then mistake the pain they feel as being caused by the twin, but that is not the case. They mirror you your own deeper wounding and it’s that wounding that is keeping you locked into the morphic field of suffering. Because whether you are aware or unaware of your inner wounds, they are forever co-creating your current reality by default. This is because what you believe to be true on the inside, is projected as the experienced reality on the outside, i.e. your physical experience.
So even though it may look like your twin is being a total d*ck, they are in fact helping you do a vibrational Spring cleaning that is going to land you in the life of your dreams. This setup is actually serving your highest good, despite the fact that it doesn’t look anywhere close to the reality you hoped for but that is because it is bringing you into an even better reality – if you allow it to. That’s why you shouldn’t give up and move on.
Check this blog here to see if you are already experiencing many of the side- effects of this shift into 5D.
There is nothing to be jealous about
Jealousy is often triggered in these situations, but there is basically nothing to be jealous about.
In this moment feel into how you feel about your Twin Flame. Allow all those deep feelings to be felt, that utter deep connection you have together. That perfect sync of mental, emotional, spiritual and physical totally understanding each other. Is there anyone else in your life that matches these feelings or that can take your twin’s place in your heart? Did you just answer, NO?! If that is the case then how could your twin have the depth they have with you with someone else? The answer is they don’t. They feel the exact same way about you.
You then ask:
‘But Sabriyé, if that is true – then why is he choosing to be with someone else? Why is he not with me?‘
Because if he were with you now, your deeper layered wounds would not get triggered.
You both agreed to this third party relationship before you came to meet up in the physical.
Your twin is not with someone else because that person IS better than you – they are with someone else to help trigger all the wounding inside of you that makes you BELIEVE that someone else could be more interesting, attractive, better in bed, a more suitable wife, etc. than you.
Now as for the other partner, being THEM is no picnic.
This is because they have to live with someone who is deeply in love with someone else and no matter how much your twin tries to hide it, their partner can feel it. You know how in a relationship you can tell when your partner is lying? The third party feels they aren’t number one in your twin’s heart and that feeling s*cks big time. So don’t over-romanticize what they have together, because their is no reason to envy the constant bickering that ensues when a partner does not feel loved in the relationship. When you are in love with someone else, it always affects any other romantic relationship you try to have with other people.
Don’t even fantasize about their fabulous would-be sex relationship, because chances are there isn’t much action in the bedroom and even if they are still sexually active – that sex is nothing compared to the sex with you. Do you know how many married twins are not having sex AT ALL with their karmic partners? Almost all of them, it just get’s switched off the sexual attraction between spouses even when they were very happy before one of them met their twin.
But even if they do have sex, have you ever had sex with someone who is having sex with you because they feel obligated? Do you remember what that felt like, how it feels when someone’s heart is not in it? It feels awful for both parties. Like everything in life all is interconnected, so if a relationship is over mentally and emotionally – it will be over physically as well. Sex expert Kim Anami even goes as far as claiming that relationship issues directly affect how attracted or repulsed we feel to our partners genitals. If you have ever been in a relationship that is ripping apart at the seams, you know how uncomfortable that state is – but you also know how difficult it can be to leave a relationship that is dead because of external reasons.
When your twin is in a committed relationship with someone else, you need to give them the opportunity to live up to the man or woman they want to be. There is literally nothing that you can say or do (including ultimatums) that will have your twin choose you. When the time is right they will leave on their own, when they are ready. Truly loving someone is creating the space for them to live up to their own standards, even when it means you don’t get what you want immediately. Again not sleeping with them helps you to be more emotionally detached, which you will need anyway if you want to come into Twin Flame Union.
The third reason stayer twins are often jealous of their runner twin, is because it LOOKS like they are happily moving on and they DO HAVE a new partner and you don’t. The truth is though that if you were with someone else at this moment, you wouldn’t be facing all the wounding that is getting triggered now. You might think you are better off not getting triggered, but as I explained before subconscious wounding co-creates your life by default which will keep you attracting situations that will keep triggering you ad nauseam. It’s better to dig deep once and clean it out for good, then to be left reliving Groundhog day (remember Bill Murray?) over and over again – which will happen if you shove it down again.
‘Am I just not imagining things? All my friends tell me to move on and think my twin is a ….’
What often makes it even more difficult is that this connection is such a far cry from ‘normal’ reality that your logical mind can get in the way. You doubt the 5D signs and syncs. You doubt your inner guidance and basically you doubt your sanity.
It of course DOES NOT help that you can’t explain any of this to your family or friends because try as they may, they don’t get it and because they are not being flooded with all these signs and syncs, WHAT is completely obvious to you – makes ABSOLUTELY no sense to them.
In fact they think that you can do much better than this guy (girl) and they actually don’t like your twin that much, because they don’t treat you the way you deserve. The funny thing is that Divine Masculines are often acutely aware of the fact that you deserve much more or better than the way they treat you. They can’t explain their own behavior because you are the most important person in the world to them and when you least expect it or you are ready to throw in the towel, your twin will often step up and remind you why on Earth you are still hanging in there despite their odd behavior. Their odd behavior only serves one purpose and that is to mirror you your own wounding.
Let me reiterate that twins are not an abusive connection, he won’t be beating the cr*p out of you or leave you for the girl he’s been cheating on you with for the past three years. Those are not the kind of situations that Twin Flames encounter, those are more common in normal 3D karmic and even soul mate relationships. In the Twin Flame connection there isn’t that much sex to begin with. I always ask my clients about sex in their relationship with their twin, because it does trigger so much – many of my clients have NEVER had sex with their twin at all. They have never had fights. It’s very common for twins to realize how deep their feelings go and that at that point one of the two starts running and keep distance. As frustrating as this behavior maybe, it will not be abusive.
I think the best description for the Twin Flame phenomenon is these intense deep love connections that are all that you have ever wanted to experience in romantic love, which then just don’t seem to get off the ground…
That seems to pretty much sum it up, don’t you think?
I have thoroughly explained the reason it’s not getting off the ground… until you have done the work that the connection is triggering you to do.
So you basically only have two options stay in the regular mindset of what we say LOVE looks like, the old 3D romantic love template and try to fit this Twin Flame experience in there which will just keep you hurt and stuck and fully disempowered – doubting your own sanity. You will match your twin’s behavior against the fear-based love template and decide your twin cannot possibly love you and act in this way.
Or you can shift your perspective and allow this connection to bring you where you are meant to be, fully anchored in a new perception of reality and in a so much more better space than when you met your twin.
When you do make that shift completely, don’t be surprised when your twin finally pushes through their divorce or leave their current girlfriend/boyfriend. It can all happen in the blink of an eye. But it won’t happen when you sit back and wait for it, when you try to force it and it will also not happen with you running around in a panic like a chicken with it’s head cut off.
It will happen when you have done the inner work this journey asks of you.
Not sure what that is?
I offer a step by step guide to your Twin Flame journey, in Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program – which is only accessible to The Twin Flame Tribe members. Sign up for The Twin Flame Tribe and you get instant access to the online program, if you liked this article so far – you are going to LOVE the teachings I share with you in this 3 month program.
Whether your twin comes back or not, following the program will help you come back to balance and understand the deeper meaning of the process your twin served as a catalyst of. On top of that you get to be a part of an AMAZING International community filled with beautiful, intelligent, awesome people who love to share this journey with you. People who do get the 5D signs and syncs, because they experience them as well. People who know what the Twin Flame journey is like and who understand what you are going through, because they are going through it as well. What better way to accelerate your shift into 5D, then by surrounding yourself with people making this shift in their own life?
You don’t have to do this alone.
Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.
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Lots of love,