The truth about Twin Flame mirroring and the popular ‘Mirror exercise’

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You must have already heard about Twin Flame mirroring

If you are on the Twin Flame journey, you will have inevitably heard or read about the concept of Twin Flame mirroring, except chances are what you heard or read is wrong. Especially, if it’s the so-called ‘Mirror exercise’, which is a reckless pseudo self-help tool that only leads to pseudo-healing.

This is the infamous ‘Mirror exercise’ in a nutshell;

  • Write down what triggers you (what you dislike, or what irritates, hurts you, etc.) in your twin’s behavior.
  • Then rewrite the sentence but now switch all the nouns to pronouns and point them to yourself.
  • Ask yourself how this statement can be true for you.

This then leads to when you believe that your twin is disloyal to you that your twin is mirroring you, your own disloyalty to yourself. Or that if your twin is with someone else and not choosing for you, that this reflects that you are not choosing yourself. And of course it would mean that if your twin says they don’t love you, that you don’t love yourself…..

Yet, all of that information is utterly useless because it doesn’t get you any closer to WHY or HOW this would be true for you. Everyone on planet Earth is to some degree disloyal to themselves, the same applies for not choosing yourself, not loving yourself and so on. The whole human race struggles with these issues to some degree.

These reversed results are all just generalizations. I can tell you that if your twin is in a third party relationship, that this is to help you heal your subconscious wounds around your own worth and ability to receive love and although this may immediately resonate with you (or not) it tells you absolutely nothing about how, when and why you started to doubt your own value or why you for example have difficulties receiving love.

Without understanding the origin of a subconscious false belief, you can’t overwrite it with a conscious new belief – in other words you can’t heal it.

But not only that if who you believed to be your twin – raped you, beat you in the hospital or stole from you  – trying to reverse that will just end up being weird. Yes, these are extreme examples and usually do not happen within a Twin Flame connection but as you can see reversing isn’t always the answer. Many times things happen to us because, that experience will help us heal stuck trauma from childhood or previous lifetimes, and not because it is a mirror of ourselves.

Last but not least, another issue with the mirror technique is that it keeps you stuck in the mind and often stuck in the ego as well. Which is why most people who are given this ‘tool’ wield it irresponsibly and superficially which doesn’t again facilitate actual healing.

So, at the end of the day, when all is said and done – this exercise doesn’t give you any real insight which is why I don’t teach it to my students. Because, even if the reversal is true, you most likely will not be able to see the truth of it anyway.

Superficial pseudo self-help that leads nowhere…

Let me explain even deeper why this is a superficial self-help technique that leads you absolutely nowhere. Let’s take the example of loyalty and disloyalty that I recently wrote an article on (click here to read the article).

Simply reversing what you see to be true in the twin doesn’t actually show you where and how this is true for you and quite often it’s not that evident because most of your wounding is not superficial, most of your wounding is lodged deep in your subconscious mind.

I mean who would have thought that my twin’s disloyalty to me (and that of my father, and my two ex-husbands), was mirroring me my own disloyalty to my true self?! I wouldn’t have guessed it, nor would I have been able to have seen my own disloyalty to my true self at that time,  because I wasn’t even aware of the extent of my own subconscious wounding.

It is an illusion that New Age workshop and seminar parlor tricks will be able to get you to see this wounding by a simple writing exercise. If it would be that easy, people would not be stuck on their Twin Flame journeys for years and years. We would have all just ‘Mirror exercised’ our way into Twin Flame union.

Look, I am going to be honest with you, the ‘Mirror exercise’ is kindergarten level self-help and spirituality. It seems to give you profound insights, but beyond the fact that what you see reflected back in the other is your own – there isn’t much deeper clarity to be gained from this exercise because it doesn’t give us actual access to the deeper cause behind whatever we see being mirrored back to us.

The danger of this exercise is also that it is used in a superficial way, which then leads to people basically chasing their tale. I am going to be raw and real with you in this article and so for example, in the case of the twin not choosing you – you choosing you or not will not be what is keeping you out of ‘union’.

That is simply a too simplistic view of the Twin Flame journey, the Twin Flame journey is part of the overall Ascension path. It is in fact a modern-day initiation path to Ascension, so it really isn’t even about ending up with the twin (which doesn’t mean you won’t). The fact that this journey is not about a romantic outcome, does NOT in any way mean it won’t include a romantic outcome,

Download our free Inner Union Soul Alchemy Manuscript to find out more.

Because this journey is not about the romantic outcome, the Twin Flame mirror itself is much more deep than a way to come into physical union with your beloved. In fact, the Divine mirror is a tool we have been given to completely liberate ourselves from the karmic chains of death & rebirth and to wake up to the truth of who we are on a soul level.

Which is why it is ridiculous to tell people that if their twin is not choosing them it’s because they aren’t choosing themselves as well. The reason the Twin Flame is so-called not choosing them in 3D is to bring up all the subconscious wounding that is standing in the way of them being able to BE in and HAVE a Divine Partnership in the physical.

This process of facing these inner (subconscious) wounds allows for a full upgrade from the old 3D paradigm way of thinking, to the 5th dimensional way of being. While if the other twin merely choosing themselves would have been the solution, they would not be able to elevate their partnership to a higher dimensional state – because they didn’t elevate themselves to a higher dimensional state of consciousness. Choosing yourself, doesn’t magically overwrite all your old 3D programming, nor does it open the gates to the 5th dimensional Heaven on Earth frequency. Choosing yourself is just ONE of the many steps we need to take to get there.

How do you use the Twin Flame mirror then?

This is not to say that we shouldn’t use the Twin Flame mirror to our advantage, it means we need to use it in the correct way. It is meant as a tool to take ownership of our own wounding, not a way to blame and shame ourselves for ‘creating’ a broken and undesired reality with our twin (thinking we are repelling them or subconsciously pushing them away).

We tend to believe that we can make life as we want it to be and that is an illusion. Our conscious mind only creates around 5% of our experienced reality, the subconscious mind dictates what our reality looks like for a whopping 95%. Hence techniques such as affirmations and visualizations to try and alter our subconscious beliefs.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Carl Jung

Here is the difference however between the two views:

  • The first directly addresses the cause that creates our undesired realities by working on healing our subconscious wounds that we developed in our childhood, brought in from previous lifetimes, or inherited from our ancestors, etc. Thus opening the way for our desired reality to manifest, as there is no longer an underlying conflict between the conscious desires and the subconscious fears and beliefs that were sabotaging it.
  • The latter overestimates our ‘power’ to create our desired reality based on our ego desires, as the soul is in charge and we can’t simply overwrite the crosscurrent beliefs stemming from our subconscious wounding that cancel out our conscious desires, because as I explained earlier the subconscious dictates our reality. The conscious always yields to the subconscious, when it comes to our external reality because the subconscious is more powerful than the conscious. Just as the soul is more powerful than the ego.

The first way of manifesting helps us manifest our soul desires, while the latter is an attempt to create from the ego – while stuck in the ego.

The Twin Flame mirror exposes to us these subconscious fears and false beliefs that we have great difficulty seeing in ourselves. They are literally in our blind spot, however because we have often disowned them so deeply – we spot them right away in our twin.

This is the Divine mirror, our own subconscious wounds being reflected back to us in the beloved.

Your twin’s wounding IS (drumroll please) your wounding

The problem is that because your own wounding is subconscious, you often aren’t able to see this right off the bat. You can only see what seems OBVIOUSLY wrong to you in your Divine counterpart, your Twin Flame. As you recognize this wounding in your twin and put what you see into words, it stirs your own corresponding wounding deep inside. This is why the Twin Flame journey is experienced as emotionally difficult at times, because it is triggering all our own deep subconscious wounding.

It never ceases to amaze me on my own journey how I turn out to be struggling with the EXACT same issue as the issues I so easily identify my twin to be struggling with. This is true for my clients as well, for example every time I get someone in an Akashic Record Clearing who is convinced that their twin is a narcissist (read my article here on so-called Twin Flame narcissists), they are always without exception brought to see their own narcissistic tendencies and wounding that they have often deeply disowned.

The twin’s wounding being identical to our own has been true, each and every time (and I have done over a thousand one on one sessions in the past 4,5 years) – as this is the true mirror principle. It’s not what they do to you, you are doing to yourself as well – although that could be true. No, it’s their deepest wounds are the same as yours – each in your own unique way. That is what the Divine mirror of our soul, shows us. Our Twin Flames literally show us where we are out of alignment to who we truly are on the deepest level – our soul self.

Which is why New Age seminar and workshop parlor tricks have no added value here, they don’t show us what we need to see. Our Twin Flame is already showing us, what we need to see but we often don’t or can’t yet see it because what they are mirroring back to us – lies in our own blind spot.

This is why we need to work with healers, that help us bring these wounded parts of ourselves into our conscious awareness. Just recognizing them in the twin does not facilitate healing, it only helps bring the subconscious wounding into your peripheral vision to help you face what needs to be seen. Acknowledging that they are your wounds as well, does not bring healing either. Because as long as you can’t see HOW what you see in your twin, is also true for you – you are just trying to rush the process in order to be able to pass go and collect your ‘union’.

Am I right, or not? Be honest now.

But, this journey is so much more than the fairy-tale and they lived happily ever after… that you envision for yourself. There is so much more to gain, outside the romantic outcome you so deeply desire. You can’t rush or bypass important parts of that process, because they are the very thing that get you to where you want to be.

It’s in these wounds that you find the true obstacles to all your dreams come true, heal those wounds and you bring yourself into alignment with all that is yours by Divine right – which includes a fulfilling and deeply spiritual connection with the perfect person for you. Your twin or someone better (the more you cling to your twin as the ONLY possible outcome – the more you stagnate the energy). Your soul does not allow your ego to overwrite your Divine plan, but it also doesn’t allow it to hurry up the process already – your soul wants the soul growth that this experience has to offer you.

An example from my own Twin Flame and healing journey

Let me give you the most recent example of this from my own Twin Flame journey, after reconnecting with my twin recently – everything seemed to revolve around trust. He admitted to having trust issues and after all that we had been through, my trust in him had seriously been eroded too. Especially because a lot of what has happened between us could have been avoided if my twin would have been honest to me about certain things. Instead, there were a lot of white lies on his end – where it would have been better if he had spoken his truth.

One of my biggest complaints towards my twin is that he seems to be all talk, but takes zero action. He makes promises, he doesn’t keep and like many Divine masculines, his actions and words hardly ever match up. He can stay strong and accountable for short periods, as it is within his character to live up to his word. But then, his subconscious programming kicks in and he flakes out on me – every single time. I swear the guy cannot act normal around me, after that.

Knowing that his wounds are my wounds, I went to go look at my own trust issues and what better way to do that, then through equine therapy aka horse therapy. The equine therapist that I worked with uses the same principal as family constellation, with the horses as representatives of people, aspects of yourself or whatever needs to be seen.

At the beginning of the session, I was asked to draw a card with an assignment. The assignment was to get a horse with four legs and hooves on a tarp. I have done multiple equine therapy sessions and this was the first time that we worked with a fixed assignment.

I had no idea how to get a horse on a tarp and wondered if it was even possible? There was a guy out there shoveling horse manure into his car, who said that he had done it when he was nine but that that was 40 years ago. He also boasted that he could easily do it again…

And so could I, because as you can see in the image below – mission accomplished!

But, it wasn’t actually that hard. I laid down the tarp fixed it with stones and a branch so that the wind wouldn’t take it and eventually the horse (half donkey) that represented my inner child,  went to stand on the tarp voluntarily.

After the horse that I wanted on there wasn’t very interested and the others weren’t willing to go either. As the session played out it became clear that the tarp actually represented the rules I felt bound by as a child. Rules I wasn’t allowed to break and that I was still subconsciously adhering to.

So, no wonder that Zhi my favorite horse didn’t want to get on the tarp because she represented my heart in this session. My inner child, was so quick to get on it because she had been conditioned to accept these rules as her limitations. This was known territory for her, so she simply followed her programming and did what was expected of her – adhere to the rules.

Although the session had many deeper layers to it and was also deeply connected to my twin, this was one of the most important parts of the session:

The realization that as an adult I could just role up the tarp and put it away, because I didn’t need these childhood rules anymore to navigate through and survive my early childhood in a highly dysfunctional family. I wish I could say differently, but this is the truth. My family of origin like many modern-day families was highly dysfunctional.

I had become the ‘good girl’, the obedient one to earn and deserve my parents love which was a direct result of a decision I had made as a 2 year old when I was first sexually abused. I had decided at that tender age, that this happening to me meant that I didn’t deserve to be loved.

Hence, I went on a quest to earn love, to prove my worth of love by being a ‘good girl’. Which fits right in with my soul’s primal wounding that I have been carrying with me since the beginning of time. The problem is that when you are trying to be ‘good’ you aren’t being YOU. You are being who you need to be to please or placate others.

Guess how often I have pointed out to my twin that he had to choose between being a ‘good boy’ or being a strong man…? A gazillion times, because it was SO crystal clear to me, that he wasn’t being true to himself, that he wasn’t listening to his heart and that he was being bound by his childhood and cultural conditioning.

He even said this to me recently: ‘Maybe if I had been born somewhere else I could have chosen differently…’

When we were together in India in 2015 just before I left he tried to explain to me his dilemma. He said ‘If it were up to me alone, we would already be together and have everything we always talk about…‘ He proceeded to tell me that there were other people that depended on him and that he didn’t dare trust his feelings for me, what if he was wrong? He would have hurt everyone he loves for nothing, plus he confided in me that people looked up to him and that he had a certain role he played within his family dynamic, which was of course being the ‘good boy’ or man because he wasn’t a boy anymore at that time.

In short my twin didn’t dare follow his heart because of his childhood conditioning to adhere to the rules of his culture, which demand pleasing his parents above his own personal happiness. My twin like me and the horse representing me, was limiting himself to being confined on a small rectangular blue tarp because he didn’t want to lose the love of his mother (his father died when he was a baby) by breaking the rules, she had taught him to live by.

Hence every time my twin allowed himself to follow his heart and come closer to me, his childhood conditioning would yank him back. And that is the tell-tale sign of conditioning, when you have internalized the enforcement of your limitations without anyone outside of you actually there to enforce them on you.

As you can see there are no walls around the ‘blue tarp’, nothing is keeping the horse from walking off of the tarp and doing what it wants to do. Instead it chooses to stand on a small piece of plastic because that is what is expected of her. Because of the ‘good girl’ or ‘good boy’ programming, living up to what others want becomes more important than doing what the heart wants. The heart is the seat of our soul and also the place where the voice of our soul can be heard to guides us. This voice get’s drowned out, when our pattern is to please and obey others.

The same was true for me. With two older half-siblings, who challenged my parent’s sanity with their teenage rebellion and sexual promiscuity (they were children of the sexual revolution) – I chose to be obedient, quiet, good, and compliant even as a teenager. Part of my early childhood survival mechanism was to make myself ‘invisible’ through this behavior, it took me off my father’s radar when he would go berserk and physically batter my mother and half-siblings.

This pleasing and placating on my end, had also kept me from fully listening to my heart and at the same time the more I was listening to my heart through this journey and my healing process – the more my inner child panicked about the unspoken childhood rules I was breaking. Which even showed up as a theme in my dreams two days before seeing and breaking this pattern. I dreamt that I was breaking the law, by breaking into a house – even though I had the keys. The closer I got to breaking this pattern, the more weight I put on. We often use weight as a way to protect ourselves.

It took me the past five years to learn to trust and follow my heart and even more importantly to trust my soul. Because that’s the thing, you CAN’T learn to trust yourself, your heart or your soul if you are subconsciously pleasing and placating others in order to not lose their love. The two states are mutually exclusive, they are two roads leading in opposite directions.

Every detail my twin told me five years ago about what was keeping him from being with me, turned out to be the the VERY things that were keeping ME from being with my own heart and soul. I was caught in the exact same loop he was, but because it was an inner child conditioning I didn’t know any better. This is what I had done all my life, I had no idea that by doing so I was not at one with who I really am – because my desire to be loved was making me be someone I was not, to please and placate others who at that time were my only means of survival.

This is deep reptilian brain deprogramming that we are discussing here. Yet, it has to be deprogrammed in order to be able to be ONE with who we truly are – our soul self.

Final blocks to Twin Flame union

I am going to be honest with you, I have no idea if me seeing this pattern in myself and breaking/healing it will lead to my twin doing so or to him deciding to leave his wife and child to be with me. That is a choice, that only he can make and that has to be the calling of his soul in order for it to be, worth listening to (serve his highest good). He needs to make the decision that feels right for him and in order to do so, he needs to listen to his heart – which he has silenced up till now. His reasons for being and staying in his current marriage have been childhood conditioning, but that is not to say that his heart will automatically pick me – it could, but that is not a given.

So. I am not going to assume any particular outcome. The outcome will be what it needs to be and what is for the highest good of all soul’s involved, which of course includes his wife and child. I am open to it being, whatever it needs to be whether that matches my personal preference or not.

What has been fascinating however, is that since I have come into the initial stages of inner union in the end of 2018, slowly but surely we have been dissolving the blocks that have kept us out of physical union. My twin’s now almost 2 year old son, who was our child to be in a previous lifetime in Egypt initiated that process when he was still in his mother’s womb.

And even more fascinating has been to witness that these final blocks to physical union, have been the final blocks to complete (inner) union with my own soul. People often think that inner union means to experience union with the twin, within oneself but that is not inner union. That is again a romanticization of the concept of inner union by those who desperately seek a physical and romantic outcome with their Twin Flame. Instead inner union is an inner marriage between the higher self and the personality (3D self), the ego and the inner child.

This inner marriage doesn’t happen all at once, but instead layer by layer. It wasn’t until October 2020 that the inner marriage between the higher self and the inner child took place. Deprogramming this inner child survival mechanism, now (mid November 2020) allows the inner child to be on board (aka feel safe) to merge with the soul. Which means that now all aspects of me are ready to express the highest version of myself, my true essence. Or to use some poetic lingo, to express the unique vibrational notes of my soul song.

Which is really what the Twin Flame journey is all about, uncovering your true nature. If it had been about manifesting a romantic outcome I would have manifested it already back in 2015. But, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I would have never become who I am today if my twin had dropped everything and hopped on a plane back then to be with me. It’s the truth.

For all of you who believe that you can simply ‘manifest’ Twin Flame union, it doesn’t work like that. You simply cannot bypass the process that is meant to align you to the very thing that you want. This is a 5th dimensional Divine partnership and so you first need to anchor in this higher vibrational frequency, in order to have true Twin Flame union and not just a romantic relationship with your twin.

I pray this article serves you and has helped you understand the depth of the Twin Flame mirror dynamic, As you can see, it is anything but superficial which is why you can’t use superficial tools on this journey such as the ‘Mirror exercise‘ or these energy clearing products and services that promise to land you ‘union’ with your Twin Flame. Remember that ‘union’ is not the point of this journey, it is something that will slide in by itself when you do the actual work of becoming who you truly are on a soul level.

If you are interested and excited to know how we can help you in your Twin Flame journey and Ascension process, join the Tribe Mystery School for modern-day Initiates on the Twin Flame and Ascension path. In our signature program, the Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program we walk you step by step through the process of coming into inner union with your own soul. Tribe members also get access to my own personal team of healers, who have assisted me in my inner union process. Inner union, is a prerequisite for true Twin Flame union and creating ‘Heaven on Earth’ from the inside out. You can also book an Akashic Record Clearing to release deep pain and trauma (including fears and false beliefs) from this and previous lifetimes.

Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.

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Lots of love,

Sabriyé Dubrie

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Sabriyé Ayana is the leading expert on the Twin Flame journey and inner union process. As a Twin Flame leader, teacher and healer she helps Twin Flames understand that this journey is not just about creating a fairy-tale and they lived happily ever after together... It's an initiation path to Ascension. Download the free Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript to find out more.