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Twin Flames, the not so standard relationship
If you have been hanging around the Twin Flame scene for a bit, you will have probably noticed that the majority of people identifying as Twin Flames are women. Yes, there are of course also men identifying as Twin Flames – but let’s be honest they are completely outnumbered by the so called Divine Feminines on this journey.
Newbies often mistake these men to be Divine Masculines and are dying to hear their perspectives, in the hope of understanding their own masculine counterpart who is either playing hide and go seek, running for the hills, blocking them or maybe even contemplating taking out a restraining order… (pro tip: don’t ignore or disrespect your twin’s boundaries).
But the truth is that the stayer twin, whether they are a man or a woman is the Divine Feminine in the Twin Flame scenario and the one running for the hills is the Divine Masculine. It’s of course a little less black and white than that, but the point is that the men circulating in the Twin Flame scene are in the same boat as the women whether their Divine counterpart is the same sex or the opposite sex (i.e. it doesn’t matter if they are straight or gay).
The relationship usually does not start out this way, quite often there is an initial period of reciprocity. A mutual sense of deep connection, before the Divine counterpart pulls back and creates distance. This is not always the case, in some cases the recognition of the Divine counterpart is one sided and this does not have to be a problem. One of my clients, who started out like this is now married to her twin. By the way she did not have to chase or hunt him down for this to happen.
The truth is that all Twin Flame couples face obstacles (read this article about Twin Flame obstacles here), for the majority of the Divine counterparts these obstacles show up between them as a couple creating separation. In far less cases these obstacles show up externally, forcing the couple in an ‘us against the world‘ battle to be together. The one situation is not better than the other and which version you are going to get depends completely on the individual and joined karma that needs to be released (healed).
However, for the majority of the Twin Flame initiates on this journey as part of their Ascension path (download the free Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript to find out more) – this is for the large part a solo journey in which the stayer twin, aka the Divine Feminine has to do her inner work. Her (his) deep desire for union with the Divine counterpart, keeping her (him) motivated to keep pushing forward despite the fact that it looks like the odds are stacked against her/him.
Which is why the Twin Flame concept has become this ‘fairy-tale against all odds’ concept that will lead us to the ultimate bliss of being together in a physical, romantic and sexual relationship with our Divine counterpart….
Well, at least that is how the majority of the Twin Flame services and products are being packaged and marketed. Because, this is what the market demands. This is the deepest desire to be ‘in (physical) union’ with the Twin Flame, by the time you finish reading this article you will understand what a shallow interpretation this is of the concept of union, not to mention a total misconception of what this journey is truly about.
Which, before you click away in utter disappointment DOES NOT mean that you can’t or won’t be together with your Twin Flame. There is simply more depth to this journey and initiation path, than ending up with the girl or the guy of your dreams.
But there is a reason, why we chase this fairy-tale outcome so desperately….
Even Hollywood makes it about the happy end
Of course Hollywood also ascribes to the ‘fairy-tale against all odds‘ premise that the whole Twin Flame industry is built upon. Except they flipped the roles, to make it more juicy and probably because otherwise no woman would pay to see the movie. Would you pay to see a movie, where the woman has to do all the work to bring the couple together? Probably not, because we subconsciously believe that it is much more interesting and romantic if the man is the pursuer – instead of the pursued.
Here are some examples of how Hollywood portrays the idea of Twin Flames and pre-destined love…
2:22 – Dylan and Sarah fall in love upon meeting each other, and feel they have known each other forever, only to learn they were born on the same day. By noticing a pattern involving the time 2:22, Dylan discovers his story with Sarah intersects with the fate of a couple who died tragically 30 years before, the day a supernova occurred, and also Dylan and Sarah’s birthday. As he runs against time to prevent their story from unfolding in a similar way – now that the flash of the supernova can finally be observed in the sky -, he begins to act obsessive and erratic, which pushes Sarah away. She’s unable to see the same pattern, and fears that she fell in love with a crazy person. He’s eventually able to crack the code (which also involves Sarah’s not so much ex-boyfriend) and prevent tragedy from happening again. In that final moment, Sarah believes him, and the two are reunited. Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
The Adjustment Bureau – David Norris and Elise Sellas can’t deny the immediate bond and connection they feel after meeting briefly one night, but events keep separating them. It’s Davis who stumbles upon the existence of The Adjustment Bureau and its employees whose job is to make sure people don’t deviate from “the plan” written for them. That’s how he becomes aware of the invisible forces preventing him and Elise from being together. As he overcomes the challenges the Bureau puts on his path to stop him from contacting and seeing Elise, she, unaware of the Bureau’s existence, initially pushes him away, accusing him of continuously abandoning her, only to end up trusting him again. When he finally reveals the truth to Elise, despite sounding like a mad, obsessed man, she believes him. In the end, the agents allow them to be together, suggesting the ordeals were nothing but a test on their determination, their love and trust for each other, a plot for them to conquer and master free will.
End quote: “Most people live life on the path we set for them. Too afraid to explore any other. But once in a while people like you come along and knock down all the obstacles we put in your way. People who realize free will is a gift, you’ll never know how to use until you fight for it.”
Love at Second Sight – Raphaël and Olivia are high school students when they meet and fall in love with each other. He’s an imaginative science fiction writer and she’s a promising pianist. The two get married, but start growing apart as Raphaël becomes a famous writer and grows increasingly dismissive of Olivia who had abandoned her path to be by his side, and had become a school music teacher. After a fight one night, Raphaël wakes up in a parallel world in which Olivia has never met him and the roles seem to be reversed. She is now a famous pianist and he is a literature teacher. Aware of the existence of parallel universes, Raphaël tries everything to win back his former life and Olivia, who’s not indifferent to him, but is unaware that they had shared a life together. After doing everything to conquer her again, and putting himself in foolish situations to do so, he gives up on her, finally realizing she’s better off without him. And that’s when she understands she’s in love with him too.
This specific story-line ties into the old 3D patriarchal paradigm, in which the masculine is seen as superior to the feminine and therefore the masculine chasing the feminine elevates her status. Him wanting her, choosing HER above all others and pursuing her to make her, his – builds her perceived worth and value.
Our deeply programmed collective consciousness
The same is not true visa versa, woman pursuing men are seen as desperate, degrading themselves and throwing themselves to squander because subconsciously we have all been programmed to see men as innate valuable and women can only strive to attain this equal value through men (which is a catch 22 because as long as a woman’s value depends on a man, she cannot be his equal).
You think this is a bunch of bull?
Just check out how many forgotten and overlooked women there have been in history. Women who have achieved greatness, but did not receive equal or often any recognition for their achievements (unlike their male counterparts) because of this subconscious collective belief in the innate inequality of women in comparison to men.
But what do you expect from societies that were indoctrinated by a religious belief system that taught them that a woman, was made from a man’s rib (Eve)? Or what about the subconscious message conveyed to women, learning that the man’s first wife Lilith was demonized for having a mind of her own, her own (sexual) desires and her demands to be seen and treated as the man’s equal?
We may consciously understand now, that these stories (interpretations of ancient texts) came about to subdue previous matriarchal societies and religions but because we have been living in a patriarchal society for the past 6,000 years – this belief system has been deeply embedded in our psyche.
But this is not ONLY a Western or Christian based societal issue, both India and China have had huge female infanticide issues. In many Islamic countries women are treated extremely poorly. Religions, cultures and societies may differ across the globe but the one thing that is prevalent in all the different corners of the world, is male superiority and a patriarchal hierarchy. We may disagree on everything else, but the one thing we have collectively subconsciously agreed on is the idea that a woman is less valuable than a man.
Even when we consciously belief the opposite, the remnants of 6.000 years of patriarchal rule have left their mark on our psyches whether we like it or not. It is deeply ingrained in our subconscious thought patterns through our past lives, culture, religion, ancestors and so on.
That this false belief still undermines modern women today is reflected in the gender inequality in third world countries but also in our own Western societies. Here is an article about gender inequality from 2019 and a more recent one from 2020 that show how this deeply rooted belief of female subordinance affects the position of women in our modern-day societies.
Just to put all the men reading this at ease, this is not about you being wrong, toxic, violent, controlling or whatever because you are currently living the life of a man in a masculine body. As souls we are both masculine and feminine (aka androgynous) and we have all had previous lifetimes as the opposite sex. I have been a man in previous embodiments and you have been a woman.
This is not about pointing the finger in blame, it’s about reclaiming the equality of the feminine not only for those currently incarnated or identifying as women, but also for those currently embodied or identifying as masculines to be able to honor and allow in their inner feminine as their equal to their inner masculine, which Swiss psychiatrist and founder of psychoanalysis Carl Jung referred to as the anima (f) and animus (m).
Let’s let these ideas sink in and marinate for a bit and I will return to them later.
Third party relationships and babies
And the plot of the Twin Flame saga thickens….
Because for many Divine Feminines part of their Twin Flame and Ascension initiation, is to deal with their Divine counterpart entering a third party relationship and sometimes even having babies in those unions. These are not easy experiences to deal with, they tend to be challenging and painful but not without a deeper underlying reason.
You cannot deprogram a false belief system by affirming it. If a woman subconsciously beliefs that her value depends on a man choosing or fighting for her, then him doing so will only strengthen that belief system. It will not break that belief system, nor will it provide her the opportunity to find her innate value within herself – especially when she beliefs to have already become valuable through the actions and choices of someone else.
She interprets this as him seeing, confirming, validating her worth, when in fact this leaves her vulnerable to him walking out on her and stripping her of her worth in the process because he was the believed source of her value. As you can see, this only perpetuates the erroneous belief.
However, confronting her with the flip side of the coin – a situation where she obviously is NOT chosen, fought for and even seemingly discarded allows a woman to break the subconscious pattern of becoming valuable through a man’s actions. The other woman (the Divine counterpart’s partner), serves as a deep trigger to face all the places inside herself where she subconsciously believes that she is inferior, not good enough, not feminine enough, not desirable enough, not beautiful enough, not young enough, sexy enough, not slim enough, or curvy enough, not a good mother, and so on…
These situations and experiences leave her NO CHOICE but to heal these deeply held false beliefs from childhood, passed on through ancestral lineages, taught through family, culture, society or religion or even brought in from previous lifetimes. Without doing so, she can not reclaim her place as a man’s equal. She first needs to let go of every place inside herself, where she feels less than irregardless of what caused her to doubt her own worth deep within.
Seen in this light, her Divine counterpart is bestowing on her the biggest gift of all – the opportunity to reclaim her own sovereignty. To realize her own innate worth and value, and fully claim it as her own. This allows her to step out of his shadow, to step out of codependency and to take her place in life as a full equal to him and all other men.
It just doesn’t look that way, for people looking from the outside in – who are still caught up in the old way of thinking.
Most people don’t ‘get’ Twin Flame love
Which is why most people, including those who seem to be very spiritual DO NOT understand Twin Flame love, because looking from the outside in – it doesn’t look like what they believe love is supposed to look like.
They believe that when someone truly loves you, they will choose you above everybody else and they will fight for your love and overcome any and all obstacles that stands in the way of experiencing this love with you. They expect the heroes that we know from the Hollywood movies, but those heroes would they show up in real life would only maintain the status quo. They would perpetuate all the old belief-systems and keep all the deeply embedded subconscious wounding intact.
You can’t have a hero swooping in, without a damsel in distress – which reaffirms the pattern of inequality instead of empowering the woman to become the heroine of her own story in the way the Twin Flame experience does.
However, most people cannot see this because they themselves are still subconsciously entrapped in the old paradigm belief-systems that Twin Flames have come to collapse as part of the transition from the old Piscean age into the new golden Aquarius age of Ascension. You may have heard before, that Twin Flames are here to collapse the codependency relationship template – well this is where codependency is rooted in.
It is rooted in this patriarchal belief that a woman’s worth, depends on something or someone outside of herself. Or on a larger scale, the belief that what you seek can be found outside of yourself to begin with. This idea alone, defies our true nature as sovereign beings on a soul level.
But who do you know in your everyday life, that can see this deep into reality? Probably not many and this is why, most people that you know cannot even begin to understand the concept of Twin Flame love. All they can see is that this person is not choosing you, is not fighting for you and because they love you or care about you – they feel that you deserve better than what your twin is giving you.
Which is of course true, you know this and your twin knows it too.
Don’t think for a second that your twin doesn’t realize that they are not giving you what you deserve or what they truly have in their heart for you. Yet, deep down on a soul level far beyond what they can even consciously comprehend themselves, they are keeping to the script that you both wrote as part of your soul agreement. Your Twin Flame knows that the love they express on a soul level, supersedes the love they can give you in their human form even when your 3D and ego self craves the water-downed human expression of love so desperately.
You may have experienced your twin saying the weirdest things such as ‘I could feel that it wasn’t the right time yet’ or other wacky things like that, almost indicating that they know more about the truth of your connection than you may have initially thought. This is because they are subconsciously being guided by their higher selves even when they have no clue really what or why they are doing/saying what they feel they need to do.
But outsiders can’t see this and UNTIL they meet their own Divine counterpart, they will likely not understand the immense magnetic pull that you experience. Nor will they know the deep soul connection you felt, the insane synchronicities that surround your connection or the other inexplicable aspects of your Twin Flame connection.
Instead, they will interpret your experience according to their own limited level of understanding what love is and you can bet on it that they feel that your situationship is nowhere close to what love is supposed to look like in their eyes.
In most cases it probably doesn’t matter too much what other people think until it comes from someone whose opinion is important to you. What you have to remember then is that you are being initiated in Divine love which is unconditional (the other has to do NOTHING to earn or keep it as it comes and flows without any conditions for it to do so), they on the other hand are talking about conditional love which demands a certain set of prerequisites to be fulfilled in order to be loved or to keep someone’s love. It’s the kind of I’ll scratch yours, if you scratch mine kind of love that basically IS NOT love but it’s what we have collectively agreed upon what love looks like in our world.
If you remember this, then you will also understand why these same people will most likely shame, judge or criticize you for not exiling your twin to a parallel dimension and ex-communicating them permanently, if they do not give you what you want. Much like the mask discussion, the vax discussion, the blue pill or the red pill discussion, this is a discussion that you cannot come eye to eye on because you are discussing it from different levels of dimensional consciousness. You are viewing it from the soul’s perspective while they are looking at it from the human perspective and these two viewpoints are not compatible.
What makes it tricky is that you yourself are still currently making this shift in perspective and will often doubt yourself, especially when people important to you shame, judge or criticize your viewpoint because it doesn’t match their’s. It’s easier to see this when you are certain and feel confident about yourself, it’s more difficult when there are already lingering doubts within yourself about your Twin Flame connection, as your own old conception of love is being torn completely to the ground – so that it can be rebuilt in truth.
It is important to realize that people challenging your Twin Flame connection, your conception of love and so on are doing so in order to help you release and work through your own subconscious fears and doubts about your Twin Flame and unconditional love.
Nonetheless, let’s look at how this may show up on your journey.
You will be shamed
Looking from the outside in, the Twin Flame phenomenon can be seen as an obsession, an unhealthy attachment, a toxic relationship or the more psychological term for it, which is limerence.
Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one’s feelings reciprocated. Limerence can also be defined as an involuntary state of intense romantic desire. Source: Wikipedia
You will either be advised or supported in releasing this attachment or letting go of the obsession. Many healers will come with cord cutting, but let me warn you no amount of cord cutting can sever a Twin Flame connection. It is inseverable.
What you need to do:
The solution to feelings of obsession or thinking about your twin 24/7 is to work on your own healing and keep the focus firmly on you. This journey is not about the Twin Flame, it’s not about landing the relationship of your dreams (even though you may end up together) this journey is about coming home to your true soul essence and self.
What you need to understand:
The immense pull that you feel towards your twin, is in fact your own subconscious wounding pulling you into your healing. Your Twin Flame is your Divine mirror and will reflect back to you what needs to be healed/released/understood and so on. The more you work on your own healing, the less you will feel ‘obsessed’. As for people shaming you or telling you that you are obsessed, it could be a message that you need to focus more on yourself but it could also just mean that this person does not understand the Twin Flame dynamic. I had a Tantric healer once who told me she had had many Twin Flames herself, what she wanted to say was that she had had many younger lovers. Many people even healers, have no clue really what the Twin Flame journey is about. Just keep that in mind, when someone reacts in a negative way to your Twin Flame connection.
You will be judged
Because the third parties and children are such a common theme within Twin Flame connections you will also be judged. You will be judged for intruding on someone else’s relationship and you may even be called a homewrecker. But it takes two to tango and you are NOT responsible for your twin’s previous or post-your-meeting each other entered relationships on his or her side. Those are his/her responsibility to manage, next to his/her relationship with you. It is up to you to decide how intimate you want to be with someone who is already involved with someone else. The down side of becoming too intimate with someone that is already taken, is that you are too personally involved and it will hurt every time your twin leaves you to be with their life partner. I wouldn’t put myself through that, but you are free to choose otherwise.
What you need to do:
Realize that no matter how careful you are, there will always be someone who doesn’t agree with the way you life your life. But, you know what how you live your life is nobody else’s business. They don’t need to approve of your life choices, they don’t need to understand them, all they need to do is to respect that this is what you have chosen to do now and you are free to choose exactly HOW you want to live your life, the way you see fit. End of story.
You don’t need ANYBODY’s permission ever, the only permission you need is your own to live your life to the fullest in the way that makes you happy.
What you need to understand:
Other people’s judgments often reflect our own subconscious fears and false beliefs. In this way, other people’s projections of how we are supposed to be, live our life, behave and so on can help us liberate ourselves from our own internal judgments with which we are keeping ourselves small and limited, instead of living out loud and free.
If what someone says or thinks about you cuts deeply, ask yourself why? Also ask yourself, why this person’s opinion (or approval) matters to you? So many people fall into the trap of living their lives to please others, if you catch yourself doing this then make a deep inquiry inside yourself as to the pay-off of this behavior and if it compensates the lack of freedom that is the result.
You will be criticized
You will also be criticized by people who think they know better than you what is best for you (even if they mean well). This simply goes back to them not understanding a higher love or Divine love connection and therefore any advice or criticism really doesn’t help because they are coming from a human perspective. No matter what you say or do, they will not be able to understand where you are coming from until they have had a Twin Flame experience themselves. I have had people come back to me after years to apologize for not understanding my experience, after they have had an encounter of their own and were finally able to understand the level of connection and the intensity of the emotions experienced.
What you need to do:
Realize that criticism always says more about the person criticizing, than the one being criticized. Criticism is often nothing more than a projection of someone’s own subconscious and often disowned issues onto the other. Ask yourself how good their partnership if they have one really is? Would you want the relationship they have with their partner? If not, why would you listen to them? Why would you take relationship advice from someone who does not have the kind of relationship you want?
What you need to understand:
Criticism is just someone else’s opinion about what they think you should be doing, that you are not. You should ignore him, break off all contact with him. You shouldn’t allow him to treat you like a doormat. You should give him an ultimatum. You need to make him choose. Tell him to commit, or otherwise you walk. If he really loved you, he would be with you now. If any of this stuff worked, there would not be separate Twin Flame websites.
You cannot address a 5th dimensional Divine partnership, with old paradigm 3D tactics which is why you should not be taking relationship advice from these people in the first place.
You will get crappy advice also from professionals
The crappy advice will not only be from friends and family, it will also be from professionals including from people of whom you would expect better. Just because someone is a therapist, healer or counselor doesn’t mean that they understand the Twin Flame phenomenon.
Most healers no matter how spiritual they are have no clue what it means to be on the Twin Flame journey, unless they have had a Twin Flame encounter of their own. They often confuse the concept of Twin Flames with Soul Mates, which are completely different things. But even, if they have met their twin the advice can still be crappy if they haven’t addressed their own wounding. Many healers don’t actually work on their own healing, which results in them projecting their unhealed aspects on their clients.
The sad truth is that you will even get crappy advice from most Twin Flame healers and coaches as they are focused on helping you achieve the much desired romantic outcome with the twin. They too are missing the point, because you can’t hurry along what is meant to happen naturally. You don’t need to be clearing your twin’s chakras for them, or connecting your energy bodies and all the other nonsense being sold. Sure, it sounds amazing and it definitely will give you a sense of control in a situation where you feel completely out of control – but I hate to break it to you, there are no shortcuts to union.
You have to do the inner work.
But, this is why it’s worth it nonetheless
Despite all of the above it is definitely worth it, whether you end up with your Twin Flame or not. This is because the Twin Flame journey is a life changing experience in itself, it will completely transform you and every aspect of your life in ways you can’t even imagine.
Here are some of the pay-offs of this journey:
- Healing childhood wounds
- Saying goodbye to drama
- Living your life purpose
- Understanding who you truly are
- Understanding your mission
- Knowing true love
- Healing important relationships
- Tapping into unlimited abundance
- Living the life of your dreams
Just to name a few…
Now to go back to where we left off earlier in this article, to come into true Twin Flame union you first need to come into union within yourself with your own soul. You cannot come into inner union, without reclaiming your own sovereign Divine femininity. As long as your inner feminine is perceived as less than your inner masculine, their can be no true harmonious inner union. Because an important part of who you are is being held small by the other part of you, that sees itself as stronger, better, more intelligent and so on.
Much of the Twin Flame and Ascension journey is nothing more than releasing old programming, old ways of looking at life. Much of the triggering we experience from the twin and others in our lives is meant to help us see where we are coasting on autopilot – holding on to these ideas and beliefs that no longer serve us.
No relationship, not even with the Twin Flame can top seeing your own innate worth and value and reclaiming your Divine sovereignty. Especially when, this relationship would keep you stuck in the old paradigm finding your worth and value through the actions and choices of a man.
I pray that with this article I have been able to stir up something deep inside of you, that remembers the Divine feminine in all her splendor and glory. Part of our journeying back to oneness is reclaiming our Divine feminine sovereignty, whether we are a man or a woman in this lifetime. We need to allow our Divine feminine to reclaim both her crown and her throne, so that she may rule with the Divine masculine and not under him.
Making this internal shift will have her not put up with any of his crap, authentically and not merely to manipulate him into desired behavior aka seeing her worth. Those tactics never work, because they are still built on the same paradigm as before. At the same time, when she is able to reclaim her own worth and value – her Divine counterpart has no need to assist her in this process through challenging behavior that triggers her healing process. As she changes, her reality experience will change with her to reflect her new outlook on life back to her. The difference that she sees, will be like day and night.
If you are interested and excited to know how we can help you in your Twin Flame journey and Ascension process, check out the Tribe Mystery School for modern-day Initiates on the Twin Flame and Ascension path. In our signature program, the Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program we walk you step by step through the process of coming into inner union with your own soul. Inner union, is a prerequisite for true Twin Flame union and creating ‘Heaven on Earth’ from the inside out. You can also book an Akashic Record Clearing to release deep pain and trauma (including fears and false beliefs) from this and previous lifetimes.
Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.
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