The information I share with you in this article on the runner and chaser dynamic and Twin Flame separation, you will not find anywhere else on the internet. It is the most up to date information on these two stages in the Twin Flame process. While other Twin Flame teachers teach that running and chasing or separation are not necessary on this path, which is true in some cases – but does not apply to the majority of the Twin Flames coming into union now. In this article I highlight how both these stages on the journey actually work to bring the Twin Flame closer when understood properly.
Are you getting the silent treatment from your Twin Flame?
It might definitely feel like that, but let me assure you twins don’t do silent treatments.
That being said there can be many moments of silence on this journey. Like 50 shades of silence, all meaning something different which I will explain later.
For now let’s start with why between Twin Flames silence means something totally different than it would in any normal 3D romantic relationship. This is because the bond between Twin Flames is a 5D connection, it’s not ego to ego based but soul to soul based. Normal old paradigm 3D relationship templates don’t apply to the Twin Flame connection. So you can’t interpret your twin’s behavior according to what applies in 3D.
This is where much of the confusion on the Twin Flame journey stems from because until you do meet your twin, the 3D romantic love relationship template is the only frame of reference we have to try and fit the Twin Flame experience in. But that is like trying to put a square peg in a round hole, it doesn’t fit.
This is because as Twin Flames we are in fact bringing in new relationship templates and massively upgrading our definition of love, from the fear based love template of the old 3D paradigm to new templates based on the concept of unity and unconditional love that are part of the 5D consciousness that we are as a planet evolving to. Twin Flames have chosen to incarnate in this time period to assist in the planetary ascension from the third to fifth dimension.
If you want to know more about the Divine mission you are on as a Twin Flame, download the free Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript to find out why meeting your twin is not just another ‘boy meets girl’ story or any LGBT variation thereof.
What the silent treatment means in 3D
In normal 3D romantic relationships based on the old paradigm romantic love templates, you know you are in trouble when someone stops talking to you. It either means you did something wrong, for which the other person expects you to apologize or the other person is playing manipulative games with you and is using silence as a control mechanism.
You will find that with your Twin Flame, he or she can’t even explain why they went quiet on you. The only thing they do know, is that it has nothing to do with you. It wasn’t anything you did or said and they are certainly not trying to get you to do what they want. It’s also not a question of having difficulties communicating with each other, because you have this immense deep connection and feel you can tell each other everything.
In an old paradigm 3D romantic love relationship one of the partners might feel overwhelmed and shut down communication when things heat up too much. This is also referred to as stonewalling, when you refuse to discuss any issue or problem that comes up. Stonewalling is one of the four indicators that researchers found could predict divorce correctly 93% of the time during their 14 year research.
Dealing with your Twin Flame can certainly feel like they have all walls pulled up and nothing you say or do actually comes through, but yet there is a distinct difference. My 2nd soul mate ex-husband was a natural born stonewaller, so I lived with stonewalling for around four years out of our in total seven year relationship. Someone who does use stonewalling as an escape tactic, will NEVER be good in confrontations and solving relationship issues. They shut down as soon as you want to discuss anything and they will also not ever bring anything up for discussion as well unless they can blame you. They just do not have the relationship skills to deal with conflict or a difference of opinion in a healthy way.
You will find that with your Twin Flame that this is not the case when you guys are in contact with each other, your twin will likely be a good communicator. They might shut down communication with you temporarily or more long term, but it doesn’t stem from poor relationship skills. Once you are back in contact, they will often apologize, explain themselves or create clarity. Twin Flames will in fact always do what needs to be done to make sure the connection stays in tact, even when that might not happen at the moments you want it.
For example when my Twin Flame and I were together in India, he came into my hotel room the first night really tensed up and even though I rushed into his arms immediately he held me a bit at a distance to let me know that he had something serious to discuss with me. And while we were lying close together, he told me that it was important for him to have me hear it from him because he didn’t want to have lies between us. He then owned up to having had an affair with his ex-girlfriend in the months he had known I would be coming to India and that he had refused to talk to me. He also said he found it very difficult to tell me this, because he was afraid of my reaction.
I was really disappointed about it, I would lie if I said I wasn’t but I also understood why he had tried to hide himself in an affair. I had been going on about a baby I felt between us since March that year, never dreaming that I would be sleeping in his arms by late November. I fully understood why he did not want to go into our meetup irl sex deprived and hungry, it was very awkward anyway because he knew I had been preparing for a pregnancy since the beginning of that year. As I expected him on my doorstep at any moment I had shared with him where I was at – instead of scaring the sh*t out of him when he got here. But the Universe threw us for a loop and instead I was invited to India to our mutual best friend’s wedding.
Besides even though I had committed fully to him and had been celibate close to a year by then, we were not in a relationship. I understood that for him it was safer to bang her (she got engaged to someone else while I was there) than to crave for me and risk hurting his family. He knew when the time came, he would have no difficulties letting her go. He could manage the feelings he had for her, while his feelings for me terrified him. That night he said to me a while later that he didn’t allow himself to love me like he wants to love me, because if he did he would certainly do something that would hurt the other people he loved and felt loyal towards.
A true stonewaller would have never been capable of such honesty and authenticity, he would just blame you for him having an affair and then refuse to utter another word.
Silence on the Twin Flame journey is simply not about poor communication skills, control, manipulation or being afraid of confrontation.
But what is it about then?
The 50 shades of silence on the Twin Flame journey
Okay I have to admit there aren’t really 50 shades of silence that I could list here, but it has such a juicy ring to it, don’t you think? Although it can really FEEL like 50 shades of silence and your twin not responding to you can certainly happen 50 times or more!
But what has amazed me the most is that even though every silence seemed the same in my physical reality, every short term and long term period of no contact in 3D has in fact helped me face a myriad of different wounds and issues that I needed to heal in myself. Some I had been consciously aware of, but for the most I had no idea that they were actually lurking in my psyche.
Over time it has taught me to trust that when my Twin Flame does pull back, it is in fact because we are both about to go through a massive shift – which would not be possible if we were in contact at that moment. I still haven’t gotten used to it, when my twin drops off out of nowhere but I know better now than to take it personally.
Distance is just another way of the souls (yours and your twin’s) to bring up the inner wounding that needs to be addressed. To be honest I feel it is often a lot easier to work through your stuff, while you are apart instead of on top of each other’s lip (which actually turns out to be a Dutch saying but I think you get the point).
So lets delve deeper into how silence can actually be a blessing on the Twin Flame journey….
The silence while running
Running and chasing has many gifts on the journey, although if you want to end up together you have to realize at some point that you cannot chase someone into union.
Basically both the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine are trying to force 3D during this stage of the Twin Flame journey, the chaser is trying to force closeness and romance in the physical reality and the runner is trying to force physical distance in the hope that it will all just blow over.
My twin for example thought that creating physical (emotional) distance between us, forcing himself to forget about me would help us both cool down and be able to move on. He was even banging a hot 20 something year old (the same girl that later got engaged while I was there) at that time to help him forget about me. To give you a visual here the age gap between me and his mom is smaller than the age gap between me and him. His mom is a generation above me, but I am a generation above my twin as well. Still after six months of shutting me out my twin, still found himself thinking of me late at night when he was alone in his bed. So he had to admit that the plan to forget about each other had not worked as he had hoped it would and so he decided he did want me in his life and we would just see how it goes. You might think that his thinking of me late at night spells out sex, but it took him another six months to actually come on to me and show sexual interest despite the fact that he and I have awesome chemistry together.
But before we got there he friend zoned me and it was the most awkward experience for us both because there was just no way we could be superficial together. We only knew how to do DEEP and PROFOUND with each other so that lead to a lot of pushing from my side to get him to be real with me. I already had plenty of Fake friends on Facebook at the time….
My pushing was rewarded with him updating his Whatsapp status with the message ‘make it real or else forget about it‘ to let me know he did hear what I was saying using Santana lyrics to emphasize that he was aware of what I was asking of him – to give me his heart.
Basically that whole year we were in and out of contact throughout a ten month period until I was standing in front of his face in India where he could not escape me, nor did he actually want to. I would say to him when we are together it feels like paradise and when we are apart it feels like hell and he felt the same way. He would tell me that when we were together everything feels exactly as it should be, but when he was alone he would spiral off in negative thinking and would be unable to find his way back to me.
Looking back now, knowing what I have learned about the Twin Flame journey since then – I can see the reason why being together did feel like paradise, was because we would be full into a vortex of 5D vibrational frequency in those moments (hours) together. This then touched all our old 3D paradigm hooks and wounding and experiencing those, felt like suffering in hell. But back then I could not understand at all why my twin was forever trying to keep me away from him, while when we were together he would be gushing with love for me. I assure it was love that was gushing and nothing else really because we only sex texted two times in all the time we have known each other and of course we fooled around when I was with him in India. So this guy was not getting any, yet in those precious moments he did lower his wall, he would tell me things like ‘Now that I have you in my life I never want to let you go.‘ his voice breaking with emotion while he said it.
We had this dynamic on rinse and repeat for a good solid year, him running and me chasing.
The interesting thing is that the running often starts when the Divine Feminine surrenders to the connection and gives into the initial chase of the Divine Masculine, leaving her thinking ‘WTF just happened?! First he was all over me and now that I say yes, he bolts?!’ This stage then ends when the Divine Masculine surrenders to the connection after trying everything he could think of to force separation and to forget about his Divine Feminine. Realizing it is useless because he cannot shake her or get her out of his head either…
But until that time he will be doing these two things instead:
Not picking up your calls
He would often just push away my calls and never call me back, but then mysteriously there were these moments when he couldn’t help himself and answered the phone. We would talk for hours then just listening to each others voice, basking in each others energy – full in 5D bliss in our Twin Flame vortex, but those moments were rare.
Most of the time he would just not answer the phone because hearing my voice stirred something deep inside of him just as hearing his voice did for me. It was so intimate, it went so deep and not hearing my voice allowed him to keep an emotional distance that he could not maintain when he was on the phone with me.
Remember the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde phenomena? That was what it was like, as soon as he picked up the phone all these words came out of his mouth that he couldn’t live up to because his family had different plans for him, which included an arranged marriage with an Indian girl of their choice. Avoiding phone calls minimized temptation for one, but above all this blurting out of his deeply felt emotions that he could not contain once he entered the 5D vortex with me.
Your twin might not have an arranged marriage hanging over their head, but it could be that they are married or that they haven’t come out of the closet yet… Each twin couple has their own uniquely designed obstacle that fits their journey back into union. But even though your story might be different, the reason for avoiding phone contact might be very similar it just makes it easier to maintain emotional distance because hearing your voice impacts them like no one else.
I told you just before about that night in my hotel in India where my twin confessed to having hooked up again with his ex-girlfriend – that night he also said to me ‘No one affects me like you do!’ When a Twin Flame couple come together in the 5D vortex, the depth in which they connect and touch each other energetically is earth shattering – not picking up the phone is a way to try and keep control over the self and the emotions. Just as much as chasing is also an attempt to keep control over the situation and the emotions. It’s a perfect mirror.
Reading but not answering texts
At this stage of the journey and later on as well you often also get to deal with your twin reading text that are actually the length of emails and he or she reads them anyway, but they don’t reply. I was a star at writing lengthy epistles and my twin would diligently read everything I wrote. He had turned off the read notification on Whatsapp, but left it on on Viber to make sure I saw that even if he was not responding to me, that he was listening to me. If it was really important he would respond immediately, but more often then not he would just allow me to share everything I wanted to share and he would listen.
Sometimes I would get desperate, feeling like I was bothering him and just not getting my cue to shut the f*ck up but as it turned out that was just my own negative thinking. Even during the friend zone period pretty much in the beginning after he first ran he responded one day that he loved me keeping him updated about my life and why wouldn’t he? My fear of loss and holding on for dear life was the perfect setup for him, he got to keep me close without having to be close himself. Of course it didn’t actually work out like that, because me keeping him updated about my life actually brought us closer and closer.
By the time we met up in India he knew me through and through, because I had shared my most deepest emotions, hopes and dreams with him and he had read every word I wrote. Which included me talking about the baby soul I felt between him and me and that I was preparing my body for a future pregnancy. I also told him about water births which he when the occasion arose explained to his friends who were all listening with their mouths hanging open. Apparently my baby talks had inspired him to do some research on water deliveries, go figure.
So don’t let the fact that your twin is only reading what you have to say but not replying discourage you. Again you can not keep this up indefinitely, but for now see it as a positive sign that your Twin Flame wants to hear from you because otherwise they wouldn’t bother to work through your probably email length like texts either, right?
The thing is that although voice hits you even deeper, just texting between Twin Flames already activates the 5D energetic vortex. Sometimes even when ‘reality’ looks totally different in 3D, it might even seem that your twin is less aware … but your souls know when it is time for you to be close and when it is time to create some distance so that you can work through all that has been brought to the surface by your time together in the vortex.
Just trust that when your twin is in hermit mode, that it is time for you to turn inward as well and start feeling into what has been touched in you to work on next. Work on it and you will see, that closeness is just around the corner again.
In some cases running and chasing leads into a more long term separation, which many Twin Flames especially the Divine Feminine dreads. I have to say that once you relax into it, separation is a blessed time in which you are in reality in preparation for union.
The truth is that separation between Twin Flames is one big illusion cause even though you might not be together or even talking in your physical reality, in 5D you are forever in contact and close. An hilarious example of this phenomenon is the 2016 Christmas gift I got my twin, a taster set of three premium European Whiskey brands (watch the video here). I bought his gift last minute December, it then turns out that he bought one bottle end of January and the other two brands begin February on his way back home from abroad. He bought himself the EXACT three brands I had wanted to gift him and when we found out about this in May 2017 he said to me: ‘Someway, somehow your whiskey’s made their way to me.‘
Figure that, that even though he is the one ‘enforcing’ distance on us (or at least it looks that way in 3D) and yet here he is picking up my intentions for him. The woman he had moved out his life around twelve months before at that time claiming he did not love her the way she thought he loved her… which was already a dubious statement, because apparently he is not denying his love but just saying it’s not in the way she thinks…. Are you lost yet?
So separation does not really exist, it is just a by the souls engineered pseudo reality that helps you in fact start making this shift from the old 3D paradigm consciousness into the higher frequency 5th dimensional consciousness. Before you used each other to enter 5D, now you have to learn how to do it on your own. This time round everything that is still keeping you hooked and locked in to the old paradigm reality has to be unrooted and cleared out and you can only do this on your own, you have to be crutch free in this period because the only way to enter the paradise consciousness of the 5th dimension is by fully stepping into your own soul truth and your personal power. It’s a hero’s journey baby and you are the leading star in your own saga. Part of being a hero is finding your inner strength and you cannot find that while leaning on your Twin Flame in all 3D codependent ways.
It is by the way my experience that in some way or form separation only comes, when the Divine Feminine is ready to an extent. Separation often starts when she stops chasing and goes into surrender, because by now just like the Divine Masculine she has come to understand that somehow he does always come back. There might still be some fear of loss lurking here or there, but overall she has reached a point where her only option just as her Divine Masculine (they mirror each other perfectly) is to give up because she has tried ever 3D romantic trick in the book and then some and she still has not been able to make him commit. As all her 3D efforts have returned void, she is now ready to try it the 5D or spiritual way because frankly she feels that is the only option left.
Tada! We have the initiation of the shift from the old 3D paradigm to accessing the 5th dimensional frequency without the twin power facilitating it and instead learning to tap into her own immense personal power.
Her twin will then support her in the following two ways and throughout the whole journey he is forever with her in 5D.
Not reading texts at all
Your twin who loves you unconditionally will step back instinctively, even when they have no idea why or come with lame *ss phrases like mine saying he doesn’t love me the way I think he does in order for you to become the hero of your own story. When you do make that shift, your twin as he or she is tethered to you has no other option but to follow suit and shift as well.
He or she will probably stop reading your texts at this point or read them secretly days later when they know you already deleted the message because you thought they could care less. If they are smart they will in fact stop reading your messages period, mine actually didn’t fully although he did miss some here and there. Trust me your twin finds it difficult to let you go as well and reading your text only makes it more difficult to disconnect for them.
Even when it feels totally different in your 3D reality, it’s nothing but role playing and creating the perfect environment in which the Divine Feminine can start making the BIG shift (watch a video about the BIG shift here). During the runner & chaser stage you were probably flooded with signs telling you to hang in there, which fully brought you in the 4th dimensional reality and hopefully taught you to start looking past outer appearances. The separation phase, is the time to put this knowledge to practice and to just keep going until you hit 5D.
I recently read a nice analogy on this journey from the 3rd to 5th dimension. It stated that New York was the old 3D reality and LA was the new 5D consciousness and reality that you are on route to, all the States in between is you traveling through 4D. All these signs and syncs are to let you know that you are heading in the right direction. They are like road signs indicating that you are either still on the fastest route to your destination or that you are off on a detour.
This is really a time in which you should just kick back, relax and enjoy the scenery knowing that you are on your way to where you want to be.
What keeps many twins looping in circles endlessly is that they are only going through the motions because they want UNION…
Union is a byproduct, it’s not what this journey is about. Romance is the cherry on top, it is not the main course on the Twin Flame menu. You need to be doing this journey for you, for your own happiness and for living your own personal legend – like Santiago in the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
It could very well be that you get blocked, maybe just in one place, maybe you get blocked on all channels. It doesn’t really matter because again it’s all role play, there to help you deepen the experience and really access the deepest layers of wounding in your psyche and vibrational field. Being blocked is such a massive illusion and actually my twin apologized twice when he had blocked me (watch this video here if you are being blocked at this moment.) It doesn’t mean your twin doesn’t love you anymore. It doesn’t mean they are angry or upset even if they may appear to be. It is really just an illusion, now before you go create new fake accounts in order to stalk your twin – you might actually want to use your time of separation well and focus on your own personal journey for now.
It is very likely that your 5D contact with your Twin Flame increases in this time. You could be dreaming more about your twin, feeling their energetic presence close to you or having conversations with them in your head. This is the part of the journey where you tell yourself multiple times a day ‘I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy. I’m not making this up.‘ in the meanwhile doubting every word of it.
Some of my best 5D experiences during the separation with my twin apart from the Whiskey example were:
- Him showing up energetically at my healing sessions with other healers and that the healer would perceive his energy
- Even when he knew how to not let me feel him too close, he would never be able to get past my mom’s radar and she would pick up on his energy out of nowhere – for example when he made an update on his Facebook that he knew would hurt me but that he had to post anyway – my mom felt him in my house just minutes before the update
- When he needed to tell me something, that he had no idea how he was going to say it in 3D he came into my dream to tell me and only days later what he had told me in my dream was confirmed in 3D
- He knew during our separation that my youngest had to be fully anesthetized to extract a broken off root and only days before the police had stopped me leaving the neighborhood because they had my youngest in the car, he had just fallen through the winter ice on the canal and bystanders had extracted him and called 911. I had let my twin know what happened because he and my son have a special bond as well. The day my son woke up in the recovery room I felt my twin behind me gently squeezing me in my shoulder when my son came to
- Even the night before my son’s dental surgery as he was lying in my bed afraid of the coming procedure I felt my twin coming to lay behind him, as my son lay between us and relaxed before he drifted off to sleep
At that time I certainly sometimes wondered if I wasn’t making it all up, but every single thing that I was given to see or feel in 5D turned out to be true when my twin and I reconnected again for the first time in April 2017.
At the beginning in our love bubble phase my twin had told me, that we were in this together, he and I and for the longest time I resented him for saying this as I felt that it clearly was not true. When we reconnected after our 16 month separation, I understood that he had been right to say this and that we have been in this together all this time. Here we were, we had not really talked to each other in 16 months and it felt like there had not passed any time between us. He had banged a couple of other girls by then and I had remained celibate. He had told me he didn’t love me anymore and that he didn’t want a relationship like ours, yet here we were again and this time he was even more certain of his love for me. I realized that if despite all his efforts to banish me from his life, he still loved me now that he would indeed as he had come to tell me in my dream – love me forever.
Which has brought us both to again a deeper layer of surrender, because that first phone call made clear to us both that what we have with each other is the real deal – this is a love of a lifetime and nothing can destroy this love which he had really feared. He had really feared me hating him for not being able to give me what I wanted from him, which is a common scenario in many 3D paradigm love relationship. If not hatred, then at least resentment. Instead I dare say that our love for each other has only deepened and matured.
Separation has really been preparation for this next phase of harmonization that we have now entered in together.
You are not meant to be suffering
Now I know that other Twin Flame teachers teach that you don’t have to suffer and that there are no consecutive stages and I agree and I disagree as well. Let me explain why. Yes, you do not have to suffer. We did not incarnate in this lifetime as Twin Flames to wander around endlessly in a desert of desperation. However even the people teaching this including myself, have gone through immense pain and suffering ourselves only to see later that we could have spared ourselves a bit more agony earlier on. But I don’t believe you can eradicate suffering completely from the Twin Flame journey as suffering is what the old 3D paradigm is all about, so the only way to end suffering is to shift out of the old 3D consciousness and conditioning.
One of the biggest Twin Flame teachers also teaches that there are no consecutive stages and again I agree there, yet I also see that we naturally teach from our own personal experiences. Every journey is unique and every Twin Flame script written by the twin couple will be different. But there is also a massive difference if your twin is not in embodiment, meaning your twin stayed in the non-physical and you are here on earth. The journey is going to be a lot different than for those who are dealing with a Twin Flame in the physical with a 3D self and an ego to boot. These journey will look alike in many area’s, but there will also be massive differences.
- If your twin is in the other world and he or she runs, it is basically over isn’t it?
- It is far more likely that you yourself will freak out by this experience of a non-physical being wanting to be intimate with you and that you run initially
- There will be no third party in your twin’s life that trigger the fear of loss, jealousy, rejection, feelings of not being good enough because the other person is not living a life in 3D
- The rejection and feelings of abandonment that get triggered when your twin pulls up his or her wall doesn’t really happen here because your un-embodied twin has no reason to pull away from you – clearing your energy will work much faster in these cases because there is less physical density between the Twin Flame pair
- It’s only logical that there will be less to none running and chasing because the very nature of the relationship does not need that dynamic
- This also applies to long term separation, having a twin in the other world is a much higher path in a way. It is hard enough with a twin in 3D but imagine what feelings of ‘Am I just going nuts?!‘ you have to overcome to come into union with someone you can’t physically see or touch? On a path like that you need your twin to stay close to you
So without saying one or the other is better, because better or worse don’t exist – it is in a way a very different path with a lot less strictly separated stages. I also want to point out as someone who has done this journey very hard core and who has constantly worked with energy clearing that there is nothing wrong with any one of these stages.
For Twin Flames who are dealing with their twin in a physical reality the runner/chaser stage, the separation stage and the surrender stage are all just initiations on the journey to make the next shift. There is nothing wrong with going through them and even though it might be nice to stay in constant contact in 3D, distance happens for a very good reason. As I have explained the souls use distance on purpose in order to help trigger certain wounding. If you are in a place now where there is silence between you and your twin, know that you haven’t failed. It’s not because you are doing it ALL wrong. It’s because this is what your souls scripted for you to go through in order to come back home.
Does it mean you can’t do anything and you should just lean back an wait? No, that will not work either.
This week someone replied to my very first Twin Flame article ever, saying she had married her twin but were in separation now and that she realized that: ‘Spiritual growth must come before the union, otherwise the union will lack harmony.‘
This is so true and I have seen this with Twin Flame couples who have, come into a physical relationship fairly quickly. It’s not because they have a better understanding of the journey or got things right, it’s because their souls needed closeness to work out the wounds that only closeness could trigger.
But there is a ‘short cut’ for ALL Twin Flames and that is doing the spiritual work.
To be more precise, to make the BIG shift from the old 3D paradigm to the new 5D paradise consciousness. Union slides in by itself after that and another bonus is that you shift out of the vibration that attracted situations and experiences of suffering. In order to help you make this shift and help you understand which wounds need to be healed to fully unhook yourself from the old 3D paradigm, I have created a 14 week online program that will take you through the process step by step.
Buying the Align to Your Divine Plan Twin Flame Mastery Program which is offered exclusively to the members of my Twin Flame Tribe gives you a concrete road map to follow on your Twin Flame journey. You also get access to the Mastermind group, the Online Twin Community where you can connect to Twin Flames worldwide to support you and cheer you on in this adventure of a lifetime. Because that is what this journey is meant to be, a miracle filled adventure.
I pray this article serves you and helps you to better understand the moments of silence between you and your twin.
If you are interested in a step by step guide to your Twin Flame journey, sign up for The Twin Flame Tribe and you get instant access to my online program Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program.
Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.
If this article resonates with you please share it abundantly. Thank you.
Lots of love,