9 reasons why most Twin Flames are doomed to keep going in circles over and over again

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After taking a break from writing about Twin Flames for a couple of months, some new insights came to light on why this certain group of people just keep going in circles over and over again chasing after what they think is perfect romantic love.

If you have not done so, please download the FREE Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript to find out why meeting your Twin Flame is meant to be so much more than just another ‘boy meets girl’ love story. This relationship is simply not only meant to be a romantic fairy-tale come true. Which I will explain in-depth also in this article.

So let’s just dive straight into why most Twin Flames are doomed to keep going in circles over and over again.

Reason #1 – They don’t get what the journey is about

One of the biggest problems that people on the Twin Flame journey face is the idea that this is perfect romantic love made manifest and most Divine Feminines waste years and years of their life trying to FORCE a romantic love relationship outcome.

They are either obsessing about a romantic outcome or trying to maneuver their connection towards a romantic outcome. All they can think about is their romantic happy end, that somehow will make worth all the suffering….

This is not a journey on which you are meant to suffer. If you are suffering it’s because you are trying to make it into something that it’s not, this fairy-tale love that will bring you eternal bliss.

Instead this journey offers you the opportunity to become who you are meant to be, by releasing all the subconscious fears and false beliefs that were keeping you from self-actualization.

So what about all these romantic feelings that you have for this person? Will they forever stay unfulfilled? No, those intense strong feelings and the deep connection is what makes you willing to keep moving forward to the manifestation of your heart’s desire which brings up EVERYTHING inside of you that is not aligned to the physical manifestation of it in your life.

This is by Divine design, because removing these blocks not only serves to align to the much desired Twin Flame union – but they serve to allow for the required self-actualization as well. It’s a dual process in which the one is achieved by the other.

Most Twin Flames focus on the desired union and think that being together with the twin will magically fix everything else, but it is in fact by focusing on the self-actualization that the union comes in on it’s own. It doesn’t need to be pursued or sought after, as it is a byproduct of the self-actualization process.

This is because road 1 leads to getting the person you desire but it doesn’t change you and so you bring into this union all the patterns and behaviors that also didn’t work in your previous love relationships and which of course will also fail you now. While road 2 leads to becoming who you are meant to be, fixing all areas in your life in the process of your self-actualization and becoming someone who can have this harmonious love relationship with, the twin or another self-actualized individual (who will be a better life partner than the twin would have been if you would have gotten the romance when you thought it should have happened).

Before you become hysterical reading into this that you will NEVER be with who you believe to be your Twin Flame, if this person is really your Twin Flame and if you really self-actualize – your twin will follow suit. You share the same core soul frequency and the clearer and stronger you emit your unique soul song (vibration), the more the counterpart is pulled into embodying this same frequency as well.

Endlessly chasing union, only serves to keep Twin Flames stuck as it will only move what they want further and further away from them. Instead the focus should be on the self-actualization for the sake of becoming who we are meant to be, not for the sake of ending up with the twin because you can’t actually reach self-actualization when you are in it for the wrong reasons.

Think of it in terms of Alchemy, the process of turning lead into gold was not about creating gold – it was about the transformational process the Alchemist went through while learning how to turn lead into gold. It was about who they had to become to be able to turn lead into gold and when this transformation was done right, the Alchemist would produce gold.

However all the Alchemist, who wanted to abuse Alchemy to get rich and to have gold never succeeded because their greed for gold obstructed their becoming who they needed to be to able to produce gold.

The very same principle applies to Twin Flame Alchemy, it’s not about creating union – it’s about becoming someone who can create such a high vibrational union and then the person who belongs to that union will show up. Just as gold showed up when the Alchemist became someone, that could create gold out of lead.

If you haven’t read the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, this is the best time ever to read it or to re-read it from a different understanding.

Reason #2 – They have no clue what healing actually means

Just this week someone opened a thread in the Facebook group Twin Flame Oneness that I run with a couple of other Twin Flame healers, asking which healing modalities people used on their journey.

The answers that were given showed once again that most people have no clue what healing means, which is the BIGGEST reason why they keep going in circles. Because they keep replaying underlying karma and trauma that wants to be cleared out.

These are some of the answers:

  • People commenting following because they want to know the answers as well…
  • To put myself first
  • Reiki (everyone is a Reiki practitioner these days, I believe you can get your certificate at the supermarket. No disrespect to real Reiki healers but, I know too many people that have done Reiki and are not fit to work with clients.)
  • Meditation
  • Listening to channeled messages
  • Yoga
  • Art/Journaling/Blogging

Of course some people did list actual healing modalities, but the majority that answered listed things that may be very beneficial and help you feel more zen but they DON’T actually facilitate healing in the way healing is meant when you are told that you need to work on your own healing. Sure all of the above may have a healing effect, but it’s not healing work and it doesn’t go deep or help you face any of your subconscious wounds or deeply held pain inside.

I’ll just be really honest with you, like I always am – the above isn’t going to do Jack sh*t for you in regards to:

  • Raising your vibrational frequency because it doesn’t help you release anything really as it doesn’t go deep enough
  • Coming to self-actualization, because you don’t shift anything earth shattering through the above
  • Becoming aligned to union, because you stay who you are except with a sparkly spiritual glitter sauce poured over you which rubs and washes off way to easily

At this moment I am hosting a 21 day e-course on my website SabriyéAyana.com to help the participant raise their personal vibrational frequency to the frequency of love and above which starts at 500hz. Many of the participants are shocked at how deeply the group healing sessions go, because they have never experienced anything this powerful.

You don’t know what you don’t know and this especially applies to how healing works, because most of our wounding is subconscious and therefore we aren’t consciously aware of the wounds, that we are playing out in our real life reality, in an attempt to release it. Because it is a subconscious process, we don’t realize that what is happening outside of us is an unconscious creation from inside ourselves.

We also don’t realize that instead of PLAYING out our wounding, we can actually CLEAR them out by facing our inner dragons and demons in our subconscious mind.

If you are interested in working with healers that will help you face your subconscious wounds, you can book an Akashic Record Clearing with me or checkout the recommended healer page.

Reason #3 – They don’t listen or think they know better

Many readers and psychic channelers are forever saying take what resonates and leave the rest, but are they really saying this for the person receiving the often general reading or channeling? Or are they saying this to avoid being attacked by people who don’t like what they have to say? Of course you should go with what resonates, but this isn’t an experience in which you can pick and choose or mix and match.

Sometimes the truth s*cks and it’s the last thing we want to hear, but we have to deal with it anyway. I personally don’t want you to take only what resonates from the teachings I share, because it will lead to only half *ss results. It’s like going to the dietitian getting a weight plan and then only following half of the plan, because the rest doesn’t resonate. Or starting a fitness regiment and then, only do the exercises that feel good because well the rest doesn’t resonate. If you want to see results, you need to get out of your comfort zone and not stay in it – I want you out of your comfort zone because I want you to get where you want to be.

Another argument often heard is ‘Every journey is different!’ This is then used as a reason to be able to cling to a romantic outcome, because they believe their journey is different….. I certainly thought I was going to be the exception to the rule!

Though it is true that every journey is different, there are some things that are true for all Twin Flames no matter what your individual story and challenges might be and that is:

ALL Twin Flames have to go through the alchemical purification process that bares open the soul self.

It’s what sets this relationship apart from any other relationship in your life. No romantic relationship or union of all sorts, will facilitate the personal healing and growth that the Twin Flame connection facilitates in a person’s life. It’s the hallmark of a true Twin Flame encounter, who you become because of it.

The ONLY way to get there is to face all the subconscious bullsh*t you believe within, without even knowing it. There ain’t no two ways about it – the only relationships that this doesn’t apply to are not true Twin Flame connections to begin with. They may be amazing, they may be magical but they are not a Twin Soul connection.

The third reason many Twin Flames don’t listen is because they are looking for proof of union, because in the business world you would only hire a coach who has achieved what you want to achieve. They rationalize that because they want union with the twin, that the best teacher would be a teacher who is successfully in union. But here’s the thing, I know a couple of Twin Flames in a relationship with each other – but there aren’t actually really any Twin Flame couples both incarnated in Twin Flame union that I know of at this time.

Plus many of the so called Twin Flame teachers ‘in union’ are not with the first or even the second person they thought was their Twin Flame. I could also dig up a boyfriend or marry someone now and claim I’m in Twin Flame union – but of course that would not be a true Twin Flame union. It would be a romantic relationship with the label Twin Flame slapped on it and that is exactly what many of these so called Twin Flame unions are. Especially if you have been wrong about who is your twin more than 2x, then you may just be a tad too desperate to be in a Twin Flame relationship, because you think it’s the most perfect love – but other connections can also be very loving and amazing. You don’t HAVE to be with your Twin Flame to find happiness, that’s just a very codependent notion.

But most importantly on this journey – the higher selves use closeness and distance to trigger the subconscious wounding. So Twin Flames together aren’t necessarily further in their union process than those in separation even when they appear to be – because they are still going through the purging process as well, except they need this closeness to trigger the special blend of their own unique subconscious wounds.

You are of course free to do as you please, but cherry-picking what resonates from this journey is NOT going to get you where you want or need to be. This is an experience that you can’t control or direct in the way you want it to go, this is a deep soul process that will hit your life like a hurricane and turn everything upside down. Many things that need to be done will feel odd because, your outer reality will contradict how you feel inside. But the lotus flower only grows in the mud and so do we have to blossom through our own inner mud.

This simply isn’t an Instagram perfect, looking pretty in yoga pants, drinking matcha tea kind of spirituality. The Twin Flame experience is spiritual bootcamp, baby and makes you face your most feared inner dragons and demons. If you don’t know what I am talking about, it means you aren’t going deep enough!

Reason #4 – They are forever doubting their connection

One of the biggest reason people get stuck in looping mode on the Twin Flame journey is because they are always with one foot in and one foot out of the connection. The more left brain and prone to rationalizing a person is, the more they doubt themselves, what they feel and their connection with the twin.

They come up with words like False Twin Flame, Near twin, Love bite, Limerence, Catalyst, etc. to label the connection especially when it does not turn out to be the romantic fairy-tale they hoped for. Not understanding that this connection is not meant to be a romantic dream come true, but instead is meant to bring you home (Nope, home is not the twin – that’s just your codependency talking).

I mean home, to your own soul self, to who you really are on a soul level and embodying this higher expression of yourself in the physical – that’s the gift of the Twin Flame journey.

It’s being challenged to become all you are meant to be. It’s being forced to face all your subconscious fears. To bring up all your false beliefs and reprogram them. It’s stepping into your multi-dimensionality. It’s a massive shift in paradigms and you cannot get there with your Twin Flame, sweetly holding you by your hand.

You have to connect to your inner warrior, your inner Goddess, your inner High Priestess – you have to fight your own battles and rise above your own shortcomings – which means that you have to be brought out of your comfort zone, out of the status quo and THAT is where your Twin Flame comes in to create the outer experiences that give you NO OTHER CHOICE but to rise above yourself. That is the soul contract you have with each other, you did not come down here on planet Earth to play house with them. You can go play house with other people, or you can have this out of this world love AFTER you have risen as the phoenix from your own ashes.

Yes, some Twin Flame couples get to be together fairly soon but they have to go through this exact same process up close and personal or create separation later on to facilitate this re-birth as the highest expression of themselves. You can’t step into your power holding hands together, it is an individual process. Because you first need to find union within, before you can unite with someone outside of you. That is where this journey leads you, to the marriage within of the 3D personality and the higher self, as above, so below and when you have reached that inner state then you can create as within, so without the outer union with the Twin Flame or someone better.

To get to this state of being, you have to commit to the journey instead of thinking that you can somehow escape this challenge. You have to stop having one foot in and one foot out of the door, so that this process can take you where your soul wants to be.

It’s really not about the Twin Flame, it’s never been about the twin. This journey is about you and the fulfillment of your highest potential. So whether the twin is close, far, blocked, deceased or otherwise out of reach in the physical DOESN’T really matter, it doesn’t mean that it’s over or that this person wasn’t the twin. It’s part of the experience because THAT (however your counterpart is behaving at the moment) is what is necessary to allow yourself to rise above yourself and be who you were always meant to be.

I have said this 1.000x romance is the worst yardstick for success on this journey, it’s like trying to measure length with a scale. A scale can only measure weight and can tell us nothing about the length of the object being weighed. The presence or absence of romance, says nothing about how successful your inner transformation process is unfolding and that is what this journey is about whether you want to hear this or not.

Despite all the fuzzy warm feelings, all the red hot passion, the intensity, despite all of it – this journey is not about romance and the sooner you can accept this, the quicker you will be able to move forward in where this journey wants to take you.

Reason #5 – They are stuck in tunnel vision

It’s been said over and over again in this article and in every article I write – this journey is not about ending up with the guy or girl of your dreams, although you probably will in the end.

But I get it, I also thought I was going to be the first one who was going to defy all odds and get out of this experience with a ring on my finger and a bun in the oven. F*ck what everybody else was saying about this journey, I was going to have my romantic happy end I dreamed of….

I am still grateful each and every day that I did not get what I thought I wanted at that time, because what my twin gave me instead goes beyond anything a man is able to give his wife. My twin actually got married to someone else a little over two years ago and he has not given her half of what he has given me, because the gift that we get from the Twin Flame experience exceeds any romantic notions. No romantic bliss, can compete with the bliss of becoming one’s true self.

But many Twin Flames in the thick of their romantic enchantment, don’t want the spirituality, the healing or the growth – they only want HIM or HER. They feel as if their life is meaningless without the other and they want to die if they can’t be with the Twin Flame.


So instead of focusing on the twin and the desired outcome, these people should actually focus on themselves and healing these unhealthy notions of what they think it means to love someone. Healing their own lack of self-worth. Healing their own source of unhappiness within. Healing their inner child wounds that they are playing out with their lover and healing past life trauma that they have on rinse and repeat.

We had to shut down free posting and turn on post moderation in the first couple of days of the above mentioned Love Project, because even when offered an opportunity to work on increasing self love 90% of the posts were about the Twin Flame and union.

All that attention going out directed at the other (the twin) has to be re-directed back at the self instead.

If you REALLY want that union you dream of, you have to bring the focus back to yourself and keep it there until things shift naturally. Honestly maybe that union will never happen with the person who you believe to be your Twin Flame, but that doesn’t matter because by then you will be someone who can have this kind of harmonious union period and the Universe will bring you the perfect person to unify with.

Holding on to HIM or HER will not get you to this same end result, it will only make you suffer and stay torn between the reality you want and the reality you have.

Reason #6 – They waste their money and time on the wrong things

I don’t know how often I have heard people tell me; ‘I invest in my healing, I just had a session with a reader.’ Some readers offer healing, but listen up if your reading already takes up 30 to 60 minutes on the cards part – there isn’t that much healing or clearing being done. That is just the reality of it.

Of course the whole psychics and readers hype comes from the desire to know why the Twin Flame is not talking to you? Why you have been blocked? If they still feel the connection? If they are with someone else? When will they leave their other love interest? When will they come back? And of course when you will be in UNION?

The answers to all of the above questions are completely irrelevant and will do ZERO to help you achieve this much sought after union, because all of the above serve to FACILITATE THE EXPERIENCE you need to rise above yourself and become who you are meant to be.

It is through the Twin Flame pulling back, not responding, blocking you, being with someone else, etc. etc. – all your worst NIGHTMARES come true, that they trigger the subconscious wounding that is keeping you from fully embodying the highest expression of your self. They are supposed to be doing what they are doing, because they promised you that they would stop at NOTHING to help you break the cycle of karma and death and rebirth in this lifetime and you promised them, to do the same for them.

So it’s completely useless to waste hours of your time on YouTube readings or spend $$$ on asking questions that don’t need to be answered. It’s useless information and worse the answers often tend to keep you stuck because if you are only waiting for him to realize what you mean to him, or for him to wake up to the connection or reach the ‘spiritual maturity’ that you have according to the reader – you are not only wasting money, you are wasting precious time that you could have invested in becoming who you are meant to be.

Yes, there are definitely psychics and readers out there that will help you in this soul becoming process, but you need to find them and then you basically only need one reading a year. You DO NOT need to check into the connection or whatever, every month or every week. Instead you need to spend all that time, money and energy on your own healing process and soul rebirth.

Reason #7 – They suffer from spiritual ego

How many times have I heard Divine Feminine’s claim that they were so much more enlightened than their Twin Flame? I can’t tell you how often I have heard this or saw posts where someone believed they were so much further than their twin.

It’s bullsh*t. You are never further/better/more evolved/woke/awakened or what not than anybody else and especially not in regards to your Twin Flame. This is ego blabbing it’s head off, thinking it is superior in comparison to someone else.

I also cringe when I hear many of these same Divine Feminines claim that they are so spiritually evolved or awakened when they have done close to no inner work at all. ‘I am so in 5D and my twin is still in 3D!’ No, you are in ego and you have no clue what 5D is or what it feels like.

Spiritual lingo gets thrown around as if it’s nothing, but most of them have no clue whatsoever what they are talking about. There are so many Divine Feminines who think that they are so far on their journey, who haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of what needs to be released.

Of course if you think you have already done it all, you are going to cut yourself some slack and think you made it when in reality you aren’t even half way.

We all reach points in our journey where we think we have done it all and then the Universe opens up a whole new can of worms.

I stopped telling my twin a long time ago that we have been everything to each other that we needed to be and that we had finished up everything we had to – because after being wrong a handful of times I realized I had no f*cking clue whatsoever and that it was better to keep my mouth shut if I didn’t want to look like a d*mn fool over and over again.

If you get stuck in ego whether it’s with a glittery magical spiritual sauce covering it or not, you are going to get stuck in a loop on your journey. And just to be clear there is no superior/better than/more special/etc. in 5D, it only exists in separation consciousness which is part of the 3D paradigm programming that we have to release, in order to be able to anchor in the 5D frequency reality.

Reason #8 – They just don’t get it

Whether it’s people reading my articles or even clients in Cut Through The Crap Sessions, they often just don’t get it.

They scratch their head at subconscious wounding, because they feel fine and there is nothing wrong with them.

They don’t understand that because the wounding is subconscious we don’t realize that it IS THERE, until we bring it up in our conscious awareness. I know that I found past lives, false beliefs, trauma and trapped emotions I didn’t expect to be there in a million years. But that is really the thing with the subconscious mind:

You don’t know, what you don’t know….

So until you actually go looking for it, many of our wounding is outside our conscious awareness – which means we can’t see it until we bring it in our conscious awareness. We are talking about our own blind spot here, because others often do see it and try to warn us but then we feel attacked because they are sticking their finger in a painful subconscious wound and that hurts. Many of these false beliefs and the behaviors and patterns that are created through them run on auto-pilot without us even knowing it.

Think in terms of our survival techniques, our coping mechanisms and our automatic defenses – all systems we have set up to keep ourselves from getting hurt because we are still hurting from things we have long forgotten and sometimes are even spillovers from previous lifetimes.

All of this deep buried trauma has to be released in order to fully feel safe to open up to love.

You will not be able to allow love in, with all your body armor and heart armor in place to protect yourself – that belongs to the old 3D paradigm. In the 5th dimensional frequency we need to be stripped of all these defenses because they of course belong to separation consciousness ‘us against them‘. In order to shift into the unity consciousness that belongs to 5D we need to be open, vulnerable and free of defenses, to be able to become ONE within and without.

Reason #9 – They don’t take real action

The last reason why most Twin Flames keep going in circles is because they don’t take real action. Because of the immense fear of loss that gets triggered from what their reality looks like and what they want their reality to be, most Twin Flames are in a constant state of panic.

When clients meet me in real life and spend a couple of hours with me, they always ask me how do I manage to stay so relaxed under it all. The answer is of course, I have done my healing work and because of that I hardly ever get triggered anymore. Twin Flame obsession is nothing but your own wounds, pulling you into your healing – it has nothing to do with the twin in whatever way.

But because Twin Flames who have not done sufficient healing are in a constant state of panic, they are always looking for a way to ease their fear. Hence they binge watch YouTube readings, go to psychics and read everything they can get their hands on. However as with everything, you CANNOT GET RESULTS without implementation. You have to actually take action, you have to put into practice what you learn because otherwise nothing changes and you are back to obsessing in a matter of days, hours or minutes.

Most Twin Flames don’t take any real action, they just flitter-flatter from the one source to the other getting their anti-panic fix from any place they can.

A point proven again only recently. I have over 10.000 subscribers to my newsletter and over 75.000 unique visitors a month that read my articles. When I launched The Love Project and send information to my newsletter list around 400 people from that list subscribed. The other 9.600 people who are familiar with my work and teachings, took ZERO action on a completely FREE 21 day e-course with different healers focused around self love and raising your personal vibration to the frequency of love and above.

They didn’t even have the excuse that they can’t afford it – because it is completely free and still all these people didn’t budge. They ALL want union, but the majority of them are not willing to do what it takes to get there. They just want to ease the panic, ease the pain and continue as is.

Of course if you take ZERO action, you also get ZERO results.

This is your personal Ascension process, there ain’t anyone else responsible for it but you – so if you leave yourself out in the cold by not doing anything to move yourself forward. Guess where you are going to be in 5 or 10 years? Yep, stuck in the same place.

You have to raise your personal vibrational frequency. The ONLY way to do that is through real healing work, the kind of healing that makes you face your innermost dragons and demons in order to overcome them. When you have done that, you can start filling your light body and increase the light within yourself which then prepares the physical body for the soul to come into the physical vessel, aka you embodying the highest version of yourself.

Union with the twin or someone better, is nothing but the physical reflection of this inner state of being, in your outer reality.

But you will never get there, unless you take real action. Otherwise ain’t sh*t gonna happen, girl. You need to to not only take the first step, you need to keep walking till you get where you want to be.

If you need any help clearing out past lives and raising your vibrational frequency by releasing stuck trauma, you can book an Akashic Record Clearing with me.

If you are interested and excited to know how we can help you in your Twin Flame journey and Ascension process, check out the Tribe Mystery School for modern-day Initiates on the Twin Flame and Ascension path. In our signature program, the Inner Union Soul Alchemy Program we walk you step by step through the process of coming into inner union with your own soul. Inner union, is a prerequisite for true Twin Flame union and creating ‘Heaven on Earth’ from the inside out. You can also book an Akashic Record Clearing to release deep pain and trauma (including fears and false beliefs) from this and previous lifetimes.

You can join The Twin Flame Tribe here.

Sending you love and light on your Ascension path and Divine partnership journey, you are forever protected and guided. All is well.

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Lots of love,

Sabriyé Dubrie

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Sabriyé Ayana is the leading expert on the Twin Flame journey and inner union process. As a Twin Flame leader, teacher and healer she helps Twin Flames understand that this journey is not just about creating a fairy-tale and they lived happily ever after together... It's an initiation path to Ascension. Download the free Inner Union Soul Alchemy manuscript to find out more.